I Can't

I can't bring myself to write anymore. Not right now. Even though it's the perfect time - at home with not much else to do. 

I've started. I have about 8 blog drafts and I can't bring myself to finish any of them. In fact, this one was started back in August and I only decided to finish it today when I started yet another one and couldn't complete it. When they get to be a year old I'll most likely delete them. 

I often wrote about the places we went and the things we did. Well, we haven't been anyplace since November and it doesn't look like we're going anywhere other than the grocery store anytime soon. I sometimes wrote about things that happened when I was a kid. I guess I'm losing my sense of humor because nothing even remotely amusing comes to mind anymore. Maybe I've already covered the amusing things and the stuff that remains is just scary.  (Or maybe it just seems scary now.)

Even though I've spent a lot of time in the kitchen over the last six months, I'm not ready to be a food blogger. I find them annoying. If I'm reading your food blog it's because I want to try your recipe. I don't care how much your husband and children love it and by the way, there are programs that can fix your spelling and grammar. (See how snarky I'm becoming?)

I've never really written much about politics and the truth is I don't want to write about political issues. There are so many people who do that much better than I can. And all it would do is deepen the divide between me and some people I think of as friends. (Then again, are they really friends if they can't accept that I don't share their views?)

But I'm going to keep trying. I might succeed. 

Paying a Premium

When we went on lockdown at the end of March we started having all of our groceries delivered. Publix had a deal where you could have unlimited delivery for just under $10 per month - as long as each order was at least $35. And as you well know, it doesn't take much to reach $35. 

But there were some things that Aldi just had better prices on - eggs, frozen salmon - all sorts of things. But they didn't have the unlimited deal with Instacart like Publix did. So every time we ordered from Aldi, we also paid a fee to Instacart for the delivery. And of course there were tips for the shoppers at Aldi and Publix. 

It all worked fairly well. Sometimes they'd be out of the item you selected and the shopper would choose something else. Sometimes Mark would tell them a substitution was okay but if I'd been asked, I would have said no. And then there's the issue of fresh produce. In the past, when I did my own shopping there were times when a particular vegetable was on my list but I didn't buy it because the selection was just too poor. But when you tell an Instacart shopper you want a tomato, they'll bring you a tomato - even if it looks anemic.  I've also been unhappy in the past with some of Mark's produce selections. So entrusting some kid off the street who doesn't even know what a daikon is to choose a daikon or (any other vegetable) is iffy at best. Let's just say  I was never particularly happy with the fresh produce. We started eating more frozen vegetables. 

But then the bills came. We were spending upwards of a thousand dollars a month on groceries. This was not sustainable. Part of it was because food prices were going up - particularly meat and produce. But part of it was because of the delivery.

We started cutting back on the number of deliveries. In the past, if we realized we were out of something, someone would make a dash to the store and we'd get it. When you have to spend at least $35 to have it delivered,  it's best to see if you can't live without that item until you need more stuff.  We also thought we could save money by ordering online and then doing curbside pickup. We wouldn't have to pay the Instacart fees or tip anyone for shopping. (And while some of the shoppers were wonderful, I always wanted to get the tip back from the people who brought me a broken egg or the wrong item, or an ugly vegetable.)  And we did save money that way, even when you consider the gas and other costs associated with driving a car.

But I still suspected that we were overpaying. We decided if we went to the new store  - it's bigger and there aren't as many people there (and the one's who are there are wearing masks) - and as long as we wore our masks and went early in the morning, it would probably be okay.  

Rather than writing out a shopping list, we printed out the order we'd planned to pick up curbside. If we'd picked it up curbside, we'd have paid roughly $190. But we went into the store, bought everything on the list, PLUS several things that weren't on the list (like fresh flowers for $12) and the total came to $165. We saved $25 and got more than we would have if we'd done the curbside pick up. AND everything was what I wanted - no mistakes on the order and the fresh produce was all good. 

But I was shocked at the difference in the price. I knew we were paying a premium for delivery but I didn't realize we were paying that high a premium for curbside pickup. Now I know. Unless the caseload of Covid skyrockets up again, we'll be shopping early and in person. 

My First Mail In Vote

Yesterday I voted by mail for the first time. I liked it. I liked it a lot. It was a small local election, mostly non-partisan and the actual polls will be open next week. 

So here's how it worked:

I had already applied to receive my ballot by mail. I filled out an application that included my voter registration number, and my signature and other information. The ballot came in a well marked envelope and included a "security sleeve" and a return envelope. I had to sign and date it when I sent it back. I know they check the signature because one of my friends had hers rejected because her signature didn't match. They did let her know and sent her a new ballot.

This particular election is a small, local election. One race for county commissioner, one for the board of elections, and two for school board. (There may have been one more, but I can't remember for sure). If I'd been voting in person, it's likely I wouldn't have bothered to turn up. I know, I know. It's my civic duty to vote in all elections. But let's face facts, the person who runs the school board probably isn't going to impact my life in any significant way and if I had something else to do on election day, I might not turn out for a county commissioner and the school board. Same thing if I turned up at the polls and there was a long line, or it rained. And now there's coronavirus, which is worse in Florida than in most places. 

But let's say that I did turn up to the polls. I'm presented with a slate of candidates I know nothing about. The board of elections position and the school board positions are all non-partisan. I have very little to guide me in my selection. Am I supposed to decide based on whose name I like best? In the case of the county commissioner race, both candidates were Republicans. How do I decide? 

When I lived in Texas  I went to the polls.  The lines could be brutal and I was very happy when they introduced early voting. I worked from home and could go at my convenience when there wouldn't be long lines. But for the actual voting, once I got past the federal and state races to the names that didn't ring any bells, I either voted based on party affiliation or I didn't vote for anyone at all. I do believe you should be informed if you're going to vote and if I felt I didn't know anything about the candidates, I just didn't check any box. 

But with the mail in ballot, I was able to go online and type the candidates names into Google. I found out that the two Republican candidates for county commissioner have been feuding with each other for at least a decade. Looked like a lot of bickering and childishness to me - fairly well documented in the local press. In the end, I couldn't find enough redeeming qualities in either one of them and opted to let other people choose. I'd be happier with none of the above. 

As for the non-partisan races, I was able to determine who the incumbent was, and how long they'd been in that position. I could see which school board candidates had children in school, and whether their children were in public school or private school. I could see who was on the boards of private schools and who favored charter schools over public schools and I could vote accordingly. Again, if I'd just turned up at the polls, I probably wouldn't have voted on those races. 

This is just so much better.  I'm making more informed choices AND I'm safe. 

Good Bye Aunt Jemima

Ever since Quaker Oats announced their intention to re-brand Aunt Jemima pancake mix and syrups, I have seen multiple posts on social media mourning the passing of an era. Some of the comments are just stunning.

"You are erasing her legacy." If any of these people bothered to look up the history of the Aunt Jemima brand (and you know I did) they would realize that Aunt Jemima was a fictional character, named after a minstrel tune. When the company started in 1889, the packaging initially featured a caricature, something we would consider extremely racist if it were to turn up on a box today.

They didn't use a lifelike image of Aunt Jemima until 1893 when they decided to have her appear at an exposition in Chicago.They hired Nancy Green, a former slave who was a cook for a judge. Some posts claimed that she became a millionaire, others claimed that she was extremely well paid. Let's think about that for just a minute. Nancy Green died in 1923. So she had the role of Aunt Jemima from 1893 until 1923. Women in the United States didn't even have the right to vote until 1920. You think she was well paid? To this day there is wage disparity between women and men. There is still disparity between white and black. Do you really think they would have paid a black woman generously? If she was being paid generously there would have been no need for her to continue working as a housekeeper.

There were also other woman who portrayed Aunt Jemima. Several families have sued on their behalf. Some claim that their ancestor invented the pancake mix. (If that's true, the evidence is very well hidden.) Others claim that their ancestor "tweaked" the recipe. I can't determine whether the second Aunt Jemima's last name was Harrington or Robinson. Different articles site different last names although the first name of Anna is consistent. Then there were "ambassadors:  Lillian Richard was the ambassador for Texas. Her family is upset that the brand is being retired. Not quite sure why, she has a historical marker sign in her home town. Nobody is taking that down.

"I never looked at her as a slave, I just thought she was a strong woman." Really? Why would you think of a woman on a pancake mix box as a "strong" woman? How do you feel about Betty Crocker? Is she strong, too? Fortunately for Betty, she was always a composite and never the image of a real life woman, although people did portray her on the radio and television although they usually didn't look like the image shown on her cookbooks.

"I never looked at her as a slave, I just thought she was a really good cook." Well, at least that's what they wanted you to think, so the marketing wasn't a total failure. But the fact is that her image was that of the "mammy" stereotype. "Mammy" was happy and eager to please her white family. She put her white family's needs ahead of her own needs or the needs of her own children. This isn't something that just happened before the Civil War put an end to slavery. Try reading "The Help" or seeing the movie. These attitudes are not dying an easy death.

And with other people sharing their thoughts on Aunt Jemima, I had to examine my own thoughts.  Aunt Jemima pancakes have been around since before I was born. I remember seeing the box as a child because it was the brand my mother bought. (I'm not even sure there was a competing brand.) I don't think I really had any thoughts about it all when I was a child. It was a face on a box. I didn't know anybody who looked like that and I had no associations in my mind. However, by the time I was a teen, I'd seen enough TV and movies to identify Aunt Jemima with the Mammy stereotype. But it still didn't affect me. Until I went to university, I'd always gone to all white schools. I didn't know any black people. My family had never owned slaves.

The problems with race in the late 60s had nothing to do with me. I know that they updated Aunt Jemima's image in the 60s. But I didn't realize until all the fuss started that all they did then was lighten her skin a bit and make her a bit thinner. She didn't lose the bandanna and get pearl earrings until 1989, an attempt to get away from the Mammy image. But it was too little too late. Maybe if they'd made that change in the 60s instead of waiting until 1989, it might have transitioned better and they wouldn't be forced to change the name and face of the dominant brand in 2020.

But all of the fuss makes me wonder how the public will react when Progressive Insurance decides to replace Flo.

Too Relaxed?

We started isolating ourselves just after St. Patrick's Day in March. We'd been watching/listening to the BBC reporting about Europe. We thought the European recommendations made more sense than anything we were hearing here. So we isolated ourselves. We ordered all our food online and had it delivered. Anything that was needed from Home Depot or any place else was ordered online and delivered. When the bags and boxes arrived they were sprayed with Lysol and left on the doorstep or inside the garage for hours or even days, depending on what it was. We used disposable gloves, a mask, and a bottle of disinfectant to get the mail out of the mailbox. Then we brought it in and sprayed it and left it overnight before opening it. When talking to our neighbors outdoors, we kept a distance of about 12 to 15 feet. Were we extreme? Maybe. But I'd rather err on the side of caution. The old "I'd rather be safe than sorry" drill.

There have also been questions about whether the government is suppressing the data. There were originally reports that deaths that were not COVID related were being reported as being COVID related. I don't know. I have to rely on published data. And while they started out posting updates in a regular and timely fashion, they are getting a little bit relaxed about that. I don't know why. The data typically shows up, but not necessarily by 9 am the way it used to, and sometimes not until the following day. Our community is situated in two counties - Polk and Osceola. I've been tracking the number of new cases for both counties daily since they identified the first case in Polk County back on March 17th. What I see is that the number of cases is going up every day. The trend line for both counties is still headed up. Less than 5% of the people who get it die from it, so that's good news. And from what I can see from my data, only about 5% of the population has it. (Or has a severe enough case for it to be reported.) My guess is that if you have a mild case and you don't see a doctor or get a test, you are not included in the numbers. So far, I only know one person who actually has it. Unfortunately, I believe she'd attest to the wickedness of this disease since she's been in one hospital or another since March 30th (over 30 days on a ventilator) and still isn't completely recovered. Seriously not something I want to take a chance with.

Now, as businesses reopen and everybody gets back to "normal" life, I'm sitting here wondering what has changed. Why is everything reopening? Why are people allowed in stores without masks? There is no vaccine. There is not even a treatment protocol that works for everyone. The government has issued guidelines for reopening that almost no state is following - especially states with Republican governors, like Florida and Texas. I've seen pictures online of people I know sitting around in restaurants with strangers sitting a foot behind them and no one wearing a mask. It's a risk I'm not willing to take just yet.

There's been so much mixed messaging. Wear a mask. Don't wear a mask. Masks protect others, they don't protect you. Stay six feet apart. Stay 15 feet apart. Limit gatherings to 10 people or less. (All well and good until one of the 10 is infected. But it does make contact tracing easier.) Demands for everything to reopen. Demands for everything to remain closed. But here's my truth: Just because the government says it's okay to reopen beaches, churches and businesses does not mean I have to go. I need to make that decision for myself, and I will make it based on data and facts.

Meanwhile, everyone is relaxing. Including us. We started having gatherings in driveways or under trees to chat with friends. Then we started sharing snacks and now we've seen a few people socially in their homes but in very small groups. These are people we know who have taken this whole thing as seriously as we have. We've started going to the store to get some of our own groceries again instead of relying totally on home delivery, which we find very expensive and I'm not always happy with the fresh produce. We've also gone to Home Depot and Lowe's for things that we would have had delivered in April.

We also find that more and more people are not wearing masks in public. I don't think this is over. I do think masks help. I still prefer to err on the side of caution. And then last night when they finally got around to updating the data, it was the highest incidence of new cases reported in one day ever.

Clearly the POTUS has decided that he is no longer interested in doing daily, or even weekly updates and we no longer hear much from the medical people involved with this. And quite frankly, the non-stop 24/7 media coverage was tiresome. And as I mentioned, here locally, the data is not being updated as regularly as it was. But this is not over. Starting today, I'm going back to having my groceries and other purchases delivered.

Living in Fear

The words "fear not" appear in the Bible about 365 times. Once for every day of the year. I think it was FDR who said we have nothing to fear but fear itself. And that may very well be the case. But thinking back, I realize that most of my life I have been afraid of something.

When I was a little girl, I was afraid of displeasing or disobeying my mother. I was afraid because there were consequences and they were unpleasant. When I was a teenager I was afraid of getting caught doing something I knew I wasn't supposed to do. (But I wasn't afraid enough not to do it.)

I still do things out of fear. For example, I wear a seat belt when I'm in the car. I wrecked my car decades ago. Even though it was the law, I chose not to wear a seat belt. It wrinkled my clothes. It was uncomfortable. But then a car hit me and my car (a big Buick Roadmaster) was spinning out of control - because you know it happens in slow motion - and when it finally stopped, I was in the passenger seat. It wasn't a matter of sliding across a bench seat. I had to be thrown over the console to get there even though I don't remember that happening. It didn't take long to occur to me that if I'd had my seat belt on, I might have remained in the driver's seat and maintained control of the car instead of having it spin around like a thrill ride. I've worn a seat belt ever since because I'm afraid of losing control of the car, and while a seat belt doesn't guarantee that I'll retain control, it helps. The only way to guarantee it won't happen is to avoid getting in cars.

I use the handrails when I go up and down stairs because I'm afraid of falling, something I wasn't afraid of when I was younger. Handrails are required by building codes even though young people don't actually use or need them and there is no law requiring you to hold the rail. The spacing of banister rails is also dictated by building codes - to keep people (children mostly) from falling through them - although it doesn't seem to prevent them from getting their heads stuck between them.

I use a potholder when I take things out of the oven because I'm afraid of burning myself. I've accidentally done it, and it hurts.

Now there's coronavirus. So many people are upset about wearing a mask To hear them tell it, not only are you living in fear, but the government is controlling you. Or maybe it's the media controlling you. Whatever. You are accused of not being able to think if you have a mask on. You're seen as weak.

If you look back at pictures from 1918, people were wearing masks during the Spanish Flu pandemic. And if they weren't living in fear, perhaps they should have been. The Spanish Flu infected about 500 million people worldwide (about one third of the world's population) and killed about 50 million of them. They had some of the same issues then. Learn More

I don't understand people. I truly don't. If there's a simple, cost-effective way to reduce the risk of being infected or infecting someone else, why wouldn't people be all over it? I guess for the same reasons that people don't want to wear a seat belt.  People I know who wouldn't dream of taking a hot pan out of the oven without a potholder are more than happy to hang out in public places with people they don't know and take their chances with a virus that could kill them, especially if they have any underlying health issues.

Fair Weather Friends

So all of this thinking about friends reminded me of something.

A little backstory - in a previous life (and marriage), all we did was play golf. All vacations had to include golf. We had no friends outside of the golf club. We ate at the golf club and if we went somewhere else for a meal, it was with other members. Every weekend we had tee times to accommodate roughly 16 players.

At one point, one couple decided to move to Mexico. There was a big party and off they went. We went to visit them in Cabo a couple of times and then we thought about moving there ourselves. It would be wonderful. I could work remotely. I'd even had a word with my manager; she was all for it. We could have team meetings there. And we had a plan for a business there. So my husband went to check it out. He was driving rather than flying so it would take a bit longer to get there and back.

Before he left, all of our friends we played golf with made a point of coming up to us and saying to him "Don't you worry about her while you're gone. We're going to take care of her." And to me, "Now if you need anything while he's gone, you just call."

And off he went. And my tee times were taken care of and I had people to eat with. But then I woke up one morning and I didn't have hot water. I suspected the pilot light went out on the water heater but I didn't know how to check it. I also didn't want to pay a service call for a plumber just to relight the pilot. I needed someone to check the pilot light and relight it if it had gone out before I called for a repair or a replacement.

I started with the couple who lived closest to us and worked my way through ALL of those people who had offered to help if I needed ANYTHING AT ALL. A few people offered the name and phone number of their favorite plumber, but most of them just told me to find a plumber, like I didn't already know that.

It was disappointing, but they weren't contractually obligated to help me. All friendships have boundaries, and apparently I'd discovered the limits of those.

Years later when I was getting a divorce, one person who'd already been through that told me, "When you get a divorce here, you'll find out who your friends are and you'll find out you don't have any." I think I already knew that.

Cleaning House

I've got to say that being isolated has been somewhat productive. I've reorganized the pantry and  every closet in the house except Mark's. I got rid of a bunch of stuff that I'll never wear or use again.

I've also had a lot of time to think about all sorts of things. I've spent a good bit of time thinking about friends. A lifetime of them. I thought about how friendship changes. And how friendships change. And how FaceBook and social media in general have muddied the friendship waters.

I thought about writing about how friendships change throughout your life -starting with the times I ran inside crying to my mom that "Kathy isn't going to be my friend anymore" and then the transition to school, and junior high and high school and then college. The transitions and changes when you marry, and then divorce, and then marry again. But I doubt my experience is significantly different from anyone else's, so I scrapped that idea. I may come back to it. Who knows?

At any rate, there are acquaintances and there are friends. I don't expect much from acquaintances. But I do have expectations of friends.

1. I expect a friend to communicate with me. Whether it's in person, on the phone or online doesn't matter.  
2. I expect a friend to cheer my successes and achievements and celebrate with me.
3. I expect a friend to have something in common with me. It may be core beliefs and values or it may be shared experience. 

Most of the people I have known in my life are acquaintances rather than friends. Then along comes social media. FaceBook started out as a great thing. At least I think so. It was great to reconnect with school friends and work friends that I'd lost touch with over the years. Sort of like email. Remember when email was new? People used it in place of writing letters. Seriously, they did! And then it became a platform for chain letters and jokes. I rarely look at email anymore. It's mostly spam, anyway. And now it's happening to FaceBook. People used to share what was going on in their lives - completed craft projects, funny things that happened at work, frustrations with the weather, malfunctioning appliances and misbehaving dogs. They shared pictures of kids, grandkids, pets, gardens and vacations. There's still some of that, but too often it's Smudge the Cat or some political nonsense put out by disinformation farms. 

So I decided to do a bit of social media housecleaning. That was about three weeks ago and I have no regrets. I went through my friends list and looked at each one with the following criteria in mind:

If you're not (or would not) be my friend in real life, we don't need to be connected on social media. This category covered the most people. If the highlight of your day was someone "putting me in my place" or "giving me hell" than you are no longer my friend on social media. If I met you through my husband's networking group and we never had any contact outside of that, you are no longer my friend on social media. If you never actually liked me, but tolerated me because you liked Mark, then you are no longer my friend on social media. Oddly, I did retain a few friends who are deceased. (I'm not totally sure why.)

If your posts are always negative you are no longer my friend on social media. It wearies me. Also if the only thing you ever share is Smudge the Cat, you are no longer my friend on social media. In fact, if you never post anything but memes and you managed to miss the first cut, you are probably on very thin ice right now. Articles = good. Memes = bad (unless they are funny).

If you never comment or respond in some way to things that I post, I assume that you already blocked me and therefore won't notice that you are no longer my friend on social media.

The Best and Worst of Isolation

Because We're Not Going Anywhere

The best:

1. I don't need to check my calendar for anything. 
2. I can serve dinner at 8 or 9 pm because it won't interfere with anyplace we have to be.
3. Instead of our walks outdoors, we are now doing YouTube exercise/fitness videos. It's actually more fun than the fitness classes I'd been taking.
4. I don't feel I need to put on makeup most days. (Think of the savings!)
5. We're saving a ton of money on gas.  
6. I have more time to read. 
7. The telemarketers have been laid off, too. Spam calls are greatly reduced.
8. I am organizing everything - the pantry, my closet and the utility room are pretty well done. 

The worst:

1. I don't need to check my calendar for anything. 
2. I miss visiting with friends.
3. I am in dire need of a manicure/pedicure. 
4. We're spending more on groceries because they are being delivered.
5. I want new pots and plants but I can't get them.
6. The weather is so perfect and we're not out in it much.
7. Companies are not answering their phones. If there's a problem with your bill, you're going to have to write a snail mail letter. 
8. I'm afraid this will go on far longer than we think it will. Even if the curve gets flattened, without a proven treatment or a vaccine, it will still not be safe.

Things that don't make sense:

1. I want to buy new clothes, but I don't actually need them because we're staying home. 
2. Some days I don't do much because I want to have something to do the next day.

Wasting Time

I'm aware that people are dying and I don't want to get disproportionately bent out of shape over some shoe boxes. Even though those boxes are standing between me and a perfectly organized closet and a bedroom floor that is free of shoes. It troubles my OCD soul.

But what really annoys me is that they wasted my time. I ordered on March 21st. On March 23rd I got the notice that my order had shipped and would be delivered on April 1st. Okay. I'm not going anywhere. I can wait. Then on April 1st it got to be past 6 so I checked the link they sent me. That indicated that the order would be delivered by 8 pm. Okay, I can wait. Then at 8:30 when I checked the link they sent me, I got a different message. "We're sorry. On the way but running late. Contact the shipper." - Which in this case they claimed was UPS.

Now the thing about UPS is that they can't help you without a tracking number, and I didn't have one. Amazon is short handed at the moment and they didn't answer the phone. The automated system advised me to contact the shipper. Apparently, the shipper should respond within 48 hours. At any rate, you can't request a refund for at least 3 days.

My best guess is that if there had actually been a shipment, they'd have been happy to give me a tracking number. They went immediately to refund after three days with no response to the request for the tracking number. Therefore I assume they never actually shipped it. They knew the day they told me I'd have it on April 1 that I would never see it at all. So I wasted 10 days waiting for it and another 3 to get the refund.

I figured I'd be clever and order it through Mark's Prime account so I could have next day delivery, but in those two weeks I was waiting for it the price went up. Significantly. From $88 to $115. So that plan didn't work either. I know they're price gouging on toilet paper but why are they raising the price of plastic shoe boxes?

Last night I ordered them from Bed Bath and Beyond. They say I'll receive them sometime between next Friday and the end of the month. In the meantime, I live with the disarray. (It bothers no one but me.) But I still don't understand why that Amazon seller felt it was okay to waste my time. I'm nearly 70, it's not an unlimited commodity.

So I Stopped

I know many people who are into needlework and sewing. I've tried my hand at most of it, but it's not something I do much of these days.

I did some sewing in my teens and twenties because I wanted more clothes than I could afford to buy. There was a point where it became more cost effective to buy them than to make them and so I stopped.

I wanted to learn to knit when I was in my early 20s. Someone gave me a book. It looked easy enough. But there must have been a flaw in the directions because instead of having a scarf, I had a trapezoid. My neighbor told me I'd dropped a stitch every time I tried to turn. I was successful at changing colors and making a stripe, but I couldn't manage a rectangle. So I stopped.

I learned to crochet when I was little. I had two aunts who excelled at it. But let me be clear - all I learned to crochet was a chain. Not particularly useful or decorative. And by the time I was in my teens I didn't even remember how to do that. When I was in my 20s my mother took up crocheting and was making afghans for everyone. (I still have one or two of them.) I wanted to be able to make them, too. She tried to teach me a basic stitch she used, but it turned out about the same as knitting - I was dropping stitches and heading in the direction of a trapezoid. Then one day she called to tell me that she'd learned a new stitch - "and it's so simple, even you can do it!" It didn't help my self esteem when it turned out that I couldn't actually do it. So I stopped.

 I also did a bit of needlepoint years ago when I was trying to stop smoking. It kept my hands busy. There are three pieces I did that are framed and hanging on a wall in my home. I have one more that I did (over 20 years ago, mind you) that I have not yet had framed. I was thinking of making it into a pillow because I recognize that there is a limit to the number of framed needlepoint pieces one should have in one's house. I had enough. So I stopped.

I decided to do embroidery instead. I'd learned basic embroidery as a child so it wasn't really a problem. I knew I couldn't do counted cross-stitch so I tried stamped cross stitch. You still have to count it and I lose count. I may never finish that piece. Next, I started a set of pillowcases that are just regular embroidery and they still aren't finished. In the box of things that I inherited from my mother there was a very ambitious piece to embroider - looks like a bedspread. She started it and didn't get very far. So far I haven't added anything to it. I hope one of my granddaughters is learning embroidery. I haven't technically stopped - I just haven't picked it up in several years.

I also started a quilt when my first husband and I split up about 45 years ago, I cut up a bunch of fabric scraps into 2-inch pieces and then started sewing them by hand. It kept me occupied for a while. I have a large diamond shape made out of those 2-inch pieces. I haven't picked that up in decades.

I actually completed a latch-hook rug. They make great wall hangings but not very good rugs. I never made another one because no one needs more than one latch hook piece hanging in their home. The one I made had a sailboat design in earth tones. The last time it  was used was when I had a lake house on Lake Texoma some 25 or more years ago. I still have it though, just in case.

Weaving and tatting are not even on the radar. Looks like needlework is not destined to be my hobby. But we'll see how things progress with the lock down..

What Do You Like to Do?

What do you like to do? It's a question I've been asked a lot in the last six months.  Most of my life I've been asked "What do you do?" - in the context of a career or employment. Since moving to an over-55 community, aka "retirement community" the question has changed because the assumption is that you're retired.

This is a question I'm totally unprepared for. I like to sleep but I know that's not the answer anyone is looking for. My personal belief is that sleep is completely underrated.

But seriously, I like a variety of things and I've done a variety of things, some of which I liked better than others. Some I'm willing to do again, others not so much.

For example, I like to read. I've liked reading my entire life - even before I could do it myself. But I don't really want to join a book club because I like to choose what I want to read, when I want to read it and I don't like to be on a schedule.

Then there is needlework. A seemingly infinite variety of needlework - knitting, crocheting, sewing, quilting, embroidery, needlepoint, weaving and tatting. Have I missed any? Oh yeah, latch hook. We'll talk about those tomorrow, but for now let's just say maybe.

I like to play golf but I don't want to play every day. And around here, I'm told that if you're not going to play at least three times a week, joining the club is not fiscally responsible. So I'm not going to join the club, which means that I can't join the official 18 hole group, but I can play with the official 9 hole group.  Or I can play with an unofficial group that likes to play on the same day every week and Mark and I can play 9 or 18 any time we want to. But now that we're in the middle of a stay at home order, it looks like I won't be playing at all.

As for other sports, I don't care much. My knees will no longer allow me to play tennis or ski. I suspect pickle ball is something else my knees wouldn't like. Once the pandemic is over, we may try bocce except that they play so early in the morning. I don't follow any pro or college teams and Mark doesn't care very much, either.

Then there's crafting and painting. I go to craft fairs from time to time and look at things and say to myself  "I could make that!". Yes, I could but chances are good that I won't. Unless it's a holiday decoration and then I might. In the "not a holiday decoration" category, I made a macrame plant hanger once - a long time ago back in the 70s when it was something of a pandemic. (I don't know where it is now.) As far as painting goes, I'm not talented but I can make something that's good enough to fill the space if I need to. But doing things out of necessity isn't the same as a hobby.

I loved gardening when I was in Texas. Although in recent years I had to pay someone to do the weeding. Now I'll be doing most all my gardening in pots. I'm still learning what plants will do well in my new climate, but right now I have no spare pots and no way to buy plants.

Then there's cooking - because I like eating, and I don't like eating the same thing over and over. I never saw my mother use a recipe for anything other than baking cookies. She had a few cookbooks. I know because I have them now. And while I didn't know the day of the week based on what was on the table, I did know that if she was making pork chops, she would be making them the same way she'd made them the week before. She made the food her mother taught her to make (and the food my father liked) - fried chicken, fried pork chops, and pot roast, mostly seasoned with salt and pepper. Don't know how Sloppy Joes got into the mix - it wasn't something Grandma made. And by the way, pasta was NOT a staple in our house when I was growing up. I'm on the opposite end of that spectrum. I like trying new recipes. Recipes often don't get back into the rotation for months if not years. I have just about every spice known to man. But because I'm usually following a new recipe, I do very few things from memory. Although I have a few basic recipes in my head in the event I fail to plan ahead. Fortunately, Mark likes to cook every now and then, (mostly because if he didn't, he would not get his shepherd's pie, spaghetti Bolognese, and some other dishes he considers comfort food on a regular basis. It also seems that baking is considered a hobby, but cooking is not.

Several times I've been asked if I play cards or games. I like them -  in a casual way. It's been fun to spend an evening playing dominoes, cards, and/or board games with friends. It's something to do while you socialize. On the other hand, I know people who play bridge several times a week and others who have a weekly poker game. I just can't see myself doing that.

Maybe this makes me a Jack of all trades and master of none. And that's okay, I do like variety and I'm willing to try most things - except sky diving and car racing - although there was a time...but I've closed that window.

That Escalated Quickly

My, oh my - how life has changed in just two weeks! Two weeks seems like a lifetime ago. Two weeks ago we celebrated St. Patrick's Day with a few friends - we followed the guidelines and kept our gathering to less than 10 people with no handshaking or hugging. (Social distancing wasn't a thing yet.)

The next day, we decided not to attend any more gatherings, even though very good friends had decided to have a brunch the coming Sunday. We made our decision because they were closing all the public buildings within the village and people's children and grandchildren were turning up in the community and we felt that would increase the risk of exposure to COVID 19. We continued to go for walks and rides around the community. We started ordering groceries online and switched our prescriptions to a pharmacy with a drive-thru window. We started collecting our mail with disposable gloves and letting it sit for several hours (sometimes days, depending on what it was) before opening it. All deliveries, whether from the grocery store or Amazon get wiped down and disinfected. (Except fresh vegetables - we only wash those, we don't disinfect them.)

A few days after all the indoor facilities were closed they closed the pools. I don't believe the virus survives in chlorinated water but I think they were concerned about the lounge chairs and tables and other surfaces, as well as the lack of social distancing in that environment.

Even a week later, Florida cases of the virus were still in and around Miami. I still felt safe enough to play golf the following week. They'd removed all the rakes, locked all the on-course restrooms, and raised the cups off the ground so the balls didn't drop in. No need to touch anyone else's stuff and golf is not much of a contact sport as long as you refrain from "high-fiving" people. People were being very conscious about keeping the recommended six feet apart.

We continued to go for walks and rides around the community. Until yesterday when it was reported that our community had it's first case of COVID 19 and there were 46 cases reported in the county (out of a population of 686K). Today there are 63. There are about 15K people in our community. Math was never my strong suit, but if you follow the model, each person who gets it infects 2.4 other people. It's kind of like compound interest, only faster. So we can expect the number of cases in our community to rise exponentially. Now the pickleball and tennis courts have been closed and they will probably close the golf courses soon, if they haven't already.

In light of these new developments, we've decided to follow the guidelines they're following in England and Germany, which are far more stringent than here. No more walks. We're only going outside into our semi-enclosed courtyard and onto our screened-in lanai.

We just have to remember to keep our garage door shut. Mark's workshop is visible when the garage door is open and it seems to attract men like a magnet.

Why Did He Call?

Last summer we talked with some representatives of a company that were proposing to buy our inspection company. It all sounded great - they were going to take on all of the employees, pay them more than we were paying them, provide them with insurance and other benefits and when we told them what we wanted monetarily, they didn't bat an eye.

After numerous phone calls and meetings with them we thought we were close to a deal. But when it came down to it, they weren't going to keep all the employees, plus they were going to make them contractors with no benefits. And they wanted us to take a very small amount of cash and take the rest in what I call funny money and deferred money. The funny money was stock in their company. It's funny money because the stock is not publicly traded and therefore there's no way to confirm what it's really worth. It's worth what they say it's worth. The deferred money was a monthly commission based on monthly sales but they didn't intend to maintain the marketing program, which is very effective at generating sales. Stop the marketing and the sales drop off. (We know this because there have been occasional problems getting the mailers out and there is a corresponding drop in the number of calls and orders.) If the sales dropped off, so would the monthly commission check. They also wanted us to include exclusive rights to software that we developed. We found the offer so inadequate that we didn't even feel there was anything to negotiate about so we just stopped communicating with them.

So just before we went into quarantine someone else from that company called. Were we still interested in selling? We hadn't spoken to any of them since last July. For some reason, Mark didn't just dismiss him. But Mark did tell him we had a buyer for more than twice what they had offered  - all cash - no stock. Instead of saying, "Gee, that's great. Good luck and goodbye" he said he was looking at the financials we'd provided last summer and that as near as he could tell, we weren't making any money.

My immediate thought was "if you're not buying it, why do you care? Are you seriously just phoning up to express concern over my profit and loss statement?" But I didn't say anything because I wasn't actually a part of the conversation. But then Mark asked me to clarify things for the caller. He said "It doesn't look like you're making any money." I was fairly annoyed at that stage.  "I don't know why you're saying that and I don't know what you're looking at. You do realize that the statement shows various payments to the owners that the new owners will not have to pay? Anyway, the company is profitable and we went through all of the reports last summer with your CFO and I really don't have time to go over it with you now."

And I refrained from saying "especially since it is of no concern to you anyway".

Good Bye WalMart

So while we're isolated, I thought it would be a good idea to re-organize. I've done the laundry room and the pantry. Much better now. Not only do I know what I have, I know where it is.

But my closet. Yikes! It was awful. In Texas I had my diva closet. Everything was hung up neatly and organized according to color and sleeve length. Shoes were all off the floor. Not here. I could barely get everything in and the corners are dead space. When I brought the laundry in to hang it up, I just shoved it anywhere I could find space. Forget about colors and sleeve lengths. Handbags were up so high that once I'd used them, it was too difficult to put them back and they ended up on the floor. I bought a shoe rack for the back of the door, but the shoes often fell off onto the floor, making the closet anything but a happy place. I couldn't stand it.

But I also didn't want to pay a king's ransom to California Closets or The Container Store. I can make this a DIY project. After carefully measuring the space, I went online in search of a design tool. I tried the big box stores first because I wanted to order it online and have it delivered.

I tried several of the online design tools but found that ClosetMaid's was the easiest to use. I'd accessed it through Home Depot and didn't even realize that I was on the ClosetMaid website until nothing was going in the cart. The design tool produced a shopping list and I was able to phone Home Depot to tell them what I wanted.

It was going to be perfect. These pieces would solve the problem of the dead corners and give me all kinds of space. But as I went through the list with their customer service rep, we encountered a serious problem.

"The corner unit isn't sold online. You'll have to go to the store to get it. The nearest store to you that has it is in Orlando."

Well, that's just not going to happen. I'm ordering online because I don't want to be in contact with people. Especially people I don't know. I'm not going to a Home Depot store and I'm sure not going to Orlando.

When I made that clear, the customer service rep suggested that I order the pieces that were available for online order and then go to Ebay to see if I could order the rest.

Really? What if I can't find the other pieces? Then I've got my closet mucked up for an indeterminate amount of time. That's not a likely scenario. I will order it all together from the same place, or I won't order it at all. (They clearly don't realize that they're dealing with a woman who refused to redo the dining room in her home for over 7 years because she couldn't find the right wallpaper.)

It took a day or two because some of ClosetMaids lines are exclusive to Home Depot - probably a mistake - but I did find one that was not exclusive to Home Depot that fit the bill perfectly - SpaceCreations Plus. It's direct from ClosetMaid and it's arriving today. I think it will be perfect.

The other part of the plan was plastic shoe boxes that could be stored on the top shelf of the closet - the only wire shelf we're leaving in place. Should be fine but I counted the pairs of shoes that I needed to put in those plastic boxes (the over the door rack is awful - must go!) and it came out to 44 or 46. The best price on those boxes was at WalMart. Normally I'd just drive to the store, pick them up and head home. But these are not normal times and I didn't want to go to the store. Under normal circumstances I can brave the WalMartians but not during a pandemic. I would have to order the boxes with two different color lids.When you're OCD as I am, this is disappointing but I was prepared to work around it. I could get 36 with white lids and 10 with titanium lids. Fine. Whatever. But then I got the message that some (if not all) of the items could not be delivered but would need to be picked up.

Maybe I can do that. Depends on whether I have to get out of my car and go into the store.  If they'll bring it out and put it in the car, we'll have a deal. You would think that with the COVID 19 pandemic that allowances might be made. But you don't know until you ask.

The website indicated that I could pick it up the same day. I only wanted to know if I had to get out of the car. I couldn't figure it out just looking at the website so I decided to check with customer service. The fastest option was the online chat. I waited for over 30 minutes to be connected. It didn't happen. So I tried email. That was supposed to be answered in four hours. In the meantime I figured I had nothing to lose by trying the phone number but I didn't think anyone would answer. To my surprise they did. Unfortunately, I got a call center that I suspect was in the Philippines. I don't mean to be rude, but I have yet to be helped by anyone in a Filipino call center - no matter what company they represent. She clearly didn't understand my question - which was "do I have to get out of the car and go into the store to pick up an online order that cannot be delivered?". She advised me to call back tomorrow when the website was refreshed. WHAT???? What does that have to do with it? In typical American fashion, I assumed that if you say it louder, they will understand it. Well, they don't. First she said she was "warning me" (not because I said anything rude, but because I raised my voice). I told her I didn't think she understood my question. Then she warned me again and hung up. At that precise moment, I decided I was finished with WalMart. Forever. And Always. If that is their idea of customer service they can keep it.I might have to pay twice as much to order it on Amazon, but I won't have the aggravation and frustration. I will pay extra to maintain my sanity. So I'll be waiting until April 1st to get my shoe boxes from Amazon that cost twice as much. But that's okay. I don't have to go into a store and I don't have to put up with Filipino "customer service".

By the way, I sent an email to WalMart to complain about the whole thing and never got so much as an automated response. I'm seriously done. (And when I'm done, I'm really done. I haven't set foot in Target in over a decade and I can live just fine without WalMart.)

Online Shopping

I'm trying my best to make peace with online shopping. Truly, I am. There are some things I'm just not comfortable ordering online - like shoes. Even when I try them on in a store, most of them end up blistering my feet and causing problems. How bad would that be if I didn't try them on at all? I can order some clothes - if they come in general sizes like S M L. Numbered sizes don't work well because there's just too much variation with different manufacturers. I'll order something with a numbered size if it's a maker I'm familiar with and I've been to a store to try on the size. Pants are the worst.

Returning something to a store is bad enough - returning something you bought online is far worse. I still have a credit with an outfit called Fishpond.com because the item they sent was broken and I didn't want to pay full price for something that was damaged when it arrived. Instead of paying for the return, they issued me a credit. It's been three years and I haven't found one thing on their website that I wanted to spend that $30 on. Probably won't - especially since I don't even bother to look any more. And up until now I have resisted ordering groceries online because I don't really trust Mark to pick out vegetables and I would be insane to think that a teenager working in Publix who doesn't even know the names of most vegetables is going to do a better job. But because we're isolating, I've been forced to come to terms with it. So far, so good. I've had a cucumber, avocados, roma tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, and red and white onions selected by someone else and delivered to my door. Only one of the avocados gave me pause (it certainly wasn't the avocado I would have chosen) but when I cut into it, it was fine. The beef roast looks fine, as well.

I'm not sure we'll continue the delivery after the whole COVID 19 thing is over. The jury is still out on that one. I suspect we're paying more than you'd pay if you were in the store. Publix has a deal where you pay $10 per month and you get unlimited free delivery as long as your order totals at least $35, which is pretty easy to do. On the other hand, you probably spend a little less time choosing things online than you would spend in the store and without the hassle of traffic, which is horrific around here, not to mention the costs associated with driving a car. (Although I understand gas is really cheap right now.)

We've also encountered some availability issues. Mark wanted white distilled vinegar but we can't get any. Really? I don't really understand why the world is out of toilet paper, but vinegar? We also ordered two packages of chicken but were informed we would only get one when in fact we didn't get any. Mark believes it may be coming from a different store and that's why it isn't here yet. We'll see.

Bottom line, I'm happy not to go into the store right now. Even happier not to have Mark going in since I believe his immune system is more compromised than mine. This may be the new normal.

Cancelled or Closed

So here we are in sunny Florida really getting into the groove of the "active adult" lifestyle. We're going to shows. We're joining clubs. We're hanging out with our new friends - eating, drinking, playing dominoes. .

Then we got news of the corona virus. It was in far away Seattle and on cruise ships. Nothing to worry about here! But as suggested, we'll limit our gatherings to ten people and we'll bump elbows - no more handshakes and certainly no hugging.

We felt safe. The virus was far away. Even when cases were reported in Florida they were down around Miami and Fort Lauderdale - the busiest cruise ports. Plus this is a gated community - no security guard is going to let that virus in.

Then they closed Disney, which is relatively close to us. Not because there were any confirmed cases but as a preventive measure. It made sense. They do attract international travelers, like from China and Italy. But then they cancelled the car show. Which also made sense because the car show is open to the public and there's no need to invite the general public through our gates to endanger us. But then they cancelled Monday Night Trivia. Then they closed the restaurants except for carry out. Then they cancelled the Vocal Trash music show and then the Mermaid party and the big three-day ladies golf tournament. All dances and club meetings have been cancelled. The Farmers Market and Seafood truck that came every Monday have been cancelled. All fitness classes have been cancelled. Even the pools are closed. As near as I can tell, only the golf courses and racquet courts are open.

We've been in self-imposed isolation for nearly a week now. When they started closing schools and colleges, those kids and grandkids started showing up here to spend their extended spring breaks with their parents and/or grandparents. We decided to isolate ourselves because while we're pretty sure we haven't come into contact with anyone who might have the virus, I can't be sure about others. We go out walking and I overhear snippets of conversations about visits with grandkids. I'm sorry but toddlers are germ bags and will make you sick even when there isn't a pandemic. And unfortunately, as evidenced by my Facebook feed, there are plenty of people who choose to believe the whole COVID 19 thing is nothing more than a media frenzy and a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese, the Democrats, the Left, (choose your villain).

We also know that there are a handful of confirmed cases in Osceola and Polk counties. We believe that for every confirmed and reported case there are hundreds more unreported and unconfirmed. And my best guess is that some of those people don't even know they have it. Just another reason I don't want to go shopping or be in close contact with anyone right now. We both caught colds last November and while Mark was recovered in two weeks, it took me nearly a month and three courses of antibiotics to get over it. I'm not willing to risk getting this virus. The fact that just about everything is closed or cancelled right now just makes it easier.

Scare Tactics

No, I'm not talking about COVID 19. But I've always heard you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I think there are people who don't understand that being nice gets you further with most people than using scare tactics.

In January we decided to put our Texas house back on the market. There was one agent I phoned simply because she sent me a Christmas card. I knew very little about her but we chatted about the house and what might have gone wrong when we put it on the market last May. Then she said she'd go over and have a look and get back to me.

She got back to me alright.She sent me a terrifying email - told me the ceiling was falling down and that the house was covered in mold. I was panic stricken. I know things can go wrong in a vacant house when no one is paying attention. But we'd been there in October and it was late December - less than three months later. I sent one of our inspector's over to check it out. Bottom line, no collapsing ceilings that he could find and no evidence of any organic growth. And if terrifying me wasn't enough, she also insulted me. She said the entire house was in DIRE need of a redo - especially the kitchen. She told me it would never sell like that - not at ANY price, except to an investor who wanted to rehab it. We'd redecorated the living, dining rooms and hallway less than two years ago. The kitchen redo was about 12 years old - all the cabinets had pull out drawers and the corner cabinets all had lazy susans. The laundry room redo was less than two years old. (I couldn't believe my taste was so bad that the entire house needed to be redone. Most people who came into our home were very complimentary about it. And I believe the compliments were sincere because if you don't like it, you don't have to say anything at all.) I suspect she was trying to set my expectations extremely low.

She said my best move would be to sell it to an investor (flipper) because no one would buy it unless it was completely renovated. And this was where she could save me money by NOT putting it in the MLS, but focusing on her list of over 50 investors. I didn't ask her how she thought that limiting exposure to other agents and their clients was going to save me money because I didn't want to argue with her. So now, in addition to insulting my taste, she also insulted my intelligence. Her big point was that other agents were just tossing out unrealistic high prices to make me happy and get the listing when they knew full well they couldn't sell it at that price. (Still trying to lower my expectations.)

Long story short, we didn't list with her. I didn't appreciate that she tried to scare me into thinking something dreadful was wrong with the house. I didn't appreciate that she insulted my taste and sensibilities by trying to convince me that the house was hopelessly unappealing. And I didn't appreciate that she tried to position herself as the only person who was telling me the truth and then being so bold as to try to tell me that not listing it with MLS would save me money. (To me, that was stretching the truth way too far.)

In the end, we listed with another agent who came highly recommended by a friend and who did not think there was anything dreadfully wrong with the house, and her only suggestion was that we repair and repaint the wall in the hallway. The wall's previous amateur repair job had been covered by a bookcase when we lived in the house, so it wasn't something we'd noticed needing attention. Anyway, the house sold within three days of hitting the market and we had three offers to choose from and only one of those offers was from an investor. The other two were people looking for a home.

How Old Does It Need to Be?

Sometimes I think that spam calls and robocalls are the bane of my existence, and then I'm forced to call for "customer service". When I reach someone in the Philippines, I am reminded that the spam and robocalls are actually pretty easy - I can just hang up, if I bothered to answer it in the first place.

But let's face it - who calls customer service just to see how they're doing? You need something. And so you do your best to communicate with them.

Last week I had to call a bank - BBVA Compass (why not name names?) because they said I didn't make a loan payment. I looked in my account to make sure I had indeed paid and it appeared that I did. I realized from previous experience that just because the money came out of my account, it didn't necessarily mean that it had arrived where it was sent. So I called the bank the payment was drawn on and they confirmed that BBVA had cashed the check. Just the type of thing that customer service should be able to help with.

But when I called the number that was on the late payment notice they sent me, I was directed to the wrong department. Banks are fairly notorious for this.

Flashback to before phone systems were automated and a human answered the call. I worked for a company that provided courier services to financial institutions. Sometimes when the bank got behind on the bill, I would need to call to see what the problem was.

"Hello, may I speak to someone in accounts payable please?"

"Is it about your car payment?"

"No. I need accounts payable."

"Is it about your mortgage?"

"No. I need accounts payable, please."

"Is it about your checking or savings account?"

"No. I need to talk to the person who pays the bills."

"But we're a bank."

Anyway, back to the present. After establishing that I was not calling about a mortgage or a checking account, I was finally connected to someone who could supposedly help me.

But first she had to locate my account. What was my account number? The notice I had showed only the last four digits. My statement showed only the last four digits. I understand about security and privacy, but if you want me to know my account number, you need to put it on something. Bottom line - I don't know it and she can't look it up based on the last four digits.

Let's try by social security number. Okay - she can't find it that way, either. It appears that I don't have an account. Unfortunately, I know that I do, and I know that even after they sort out what happened to that payment, there will be other payments due in the future.

She said she could look it up by my phone number. Hey, it's worth a try. I gave her my cell phone number. The cell phone number that I've had since 1982 - back in the days when the phone was permanently mounted in your car.

She couldn't find it that way, either. Her next question to me was "Do you have an older phone number?"

"No, I'm sorry. That number is 38 years old. I don't have an older number."

And that was seriously the end of the conversation. I wanted to tear my hair out.

What I Learned

Any day you learn something is a good day. Let me tell you, I've had a banner week. I've learned (discovered may be a better word) several things.

1. I discovered that three layers of mascara might look good, but is probably ill-advised. If you do put that much on, make sure you get every bit of it off before you go to bed. 
2. Talking about something as benign as the pros and cons of bifocals is enough to raise my blood pressure. A political discussion would probably kill me. 
3. Women are held to a higher standard than men.
4. Some people are not able to connect the dots, even when the dots are numbered.