The Federated States of Micronesia

We call our navigator or Garmin GPS (global positioning system), Miss Smartypants. That's because she knows everything. Or so it seems. She tells us where to turn in order to get to where we are going. We overlook the times she has ordered us to turn off a bridge into the air. We do not follow her blindly. We have her set up to speak with a British accent. It makes Mark feel more at home and she just seems a bit classier. (It's a very posh accent.) This newer model (we're on our fourth or fifth GPS) doesn't tell us that we're "off route", she just recalculates. Although she does give us the impression that we've displeased her when she says "recalculating" over and over because we haven't turned where she told us to. This can be very annoying, so most times we just keep her on mute.

But because we were going someplace we only go once or twice a year - the OCCC Aquatics Center in Oklahoma City - we decided to let her soothing voice guide us on our way. I was a bit surprised when she told me to turn right on S Mays Avenue. That was S Mays, pronounced Ess Mays, not South Mays. I know that Miss Smartypants knows the word South. She is perfectly capable of telling me to "take the slip road to Dallas North Tollway South". She does not tell me to get on Dallas North Tollway S. Why am I turning on to S Mays instead of South Mays?

There are some other roads in Texas that include S. For example, SH. SH stands for State Highway. And when we come to SH 121, Miss Smartypants tells us to turn on to Texas One Hundred Twenty One. Not State Route 121 - not SR 121. We also have county roads, shown on signage as CR. Again, she tell us to turn on County Road Ninety Two, not C R 9 2.

We also have FM roads here in Texas. FM stands for Farm to Market. Fairly self-explanatory. These were farm roads that went into the markets in town. So you can imagine my surprise when Miss Smartypants said to "Turn Left on Federated States of Micronesia Three Hundred Seventy Two."

I think we laughed until we turned off FM 372.

We live on Walnut Street, also known as FM 455. If you'd like a chuckle, click here to listen to Miss Smartypants tell us where to turn.