I'm NOT a Tomato

On his way home yesterday, Mark called me from Market Street to see if I needed him to pick up anything. We keep a running list on the refrigerator.

"Let me check. Yes, we need local honey, red pepper flakes, toilet bowl cleaner, but don't get that at Market Street - it's too high. I talked to Valerie and they're not going out tonight. We can go, or if you'd rather eat in tonight, we could grill hamburgers. But we will need tomato and onion. And I could make a pasta salad to go with it. What do you want to do?"

"Let's do the hamburgers. Text me a list of what you want."

"I would rather do without everything than text you a list."

"Oh yeah, you struggle with that little keyboard. You don't have to text it. You can email it - I'll still get it."

"Okay."

And that's when I remembered that there are two things that Siri is good for. One is calling someone whose number is on the contact list. The other is sending a text to someone who is on the contact list.

I summoned Siri from the depths of my iPhone. She wondered how she could help me. "Send a text message to This Phone." (This Phone is the way Mark is listed on my iPhone contact list. And yes, I think it's strange, too.)

"I can send a text message to This Phone. What would you like it to say?"

"Local honey, red pepper flakes,..."

"Local honey red pepper flakes. Would you like me to send it now?"

"No! I'm not done!"

"You can cancel, send, or start over."

"Fine! Start over."

"What would you like to say?"

"Honey, pepper flakes, spring onions, onion, and tomato."

"Honey pepper flakes spring onions I'm a tomato"

"Nooooo! I'm not a tomato." (But I am laughing at the suggestion.)

"You can cancel, send, or start over."

"Start over."

"What would you like to say?"

"Honey, pepper flakes, spring onions, onion, tomato."

It was finally right - more or less - and so I sent it to This Phone. I wasn't particularly pleased with it because it had no punctuation. (After all, I AM a grammar Nazi.) But that's because I never remember that if you want a comma or a period, you have to tell Siri where to put it. So instead of reading my list, I would have to say, honey comma, pepper flakes comma -- you get it. Someday I may get the hang of it. And it must have worked because Mark came home with everything I'd asked for.

And for all that trouble, Valerie called back and we ended up going out. But we'll be grilling those hamburgers tonight if the rain holds off.