Don't Make Me Stop This Car!

I am struggling to get over bronchitis and prepare for our upcoming long road trip all at the same time. I should explain how I categorize road trips. There are three categories. A day trip is where you reach your destination, spend a bit of time and then return home all on the same day. A short road trip is one where you reach your destination the same day, spend one or more nights and then return home. A long road trip is one that requires an overnight stay before reaching your destination, or one that has multiple destinations. That being clarified, this is our annual long road trip. I'd like to be excited but I'm too busy coughing and sneezing. Right now, (although always subject to change) we're planning stops in Arkansas, Tennessee, West Virginia, South Carolina, and Georgia before heading back home.

I like the long road trip. Just me and my soulmate, solving all the world's problems, discussing religion and politics, out on the road with our computer and our iPad. So very different from my first long road trip experience -- a family vacation when I was probably nine or ten. Looking back, it was probably all my fault. For as long as I could remember, and no doubt before I could remember, we had gone to Grandma's house during the summer vacation. That would classify as a short road trip. We spent one week with each set of grandparents. They lived less than an hour's drive apart. And that was summer vacation. But I had reached the age where we had to write an essay on what we did over summer vacation when we returned to school. I went home from school whining that everyone else went to Washington DC, or to the beach in Florida, or to Disneyland in California, or to the Grand Canyon, wherever that was. And I never went anywhere but to Grandma's house. Woe was me. Now, if my parents had been thinking, they would have challenged me to write it so that Grandma's house seemed more exciting than it actually was. It would have helped me launch a career in marketing. But that's not what happened. The next summer, my three younger siblings and I were packed into the family's Rambler station wagon and we set off on a long road trip. I can only conclude that the purpose of this trip was to see how many states we could drive through before we stopped for the night. There were no Interstate Highways, so we all got out of the car to be photographed by each state line sign. Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina. I'm really not sure. It was all hilly and green and every now and again we would stop at a diner (no fast food back in those days) or a cave, or like the Griswold Family, to see the world's largest ball of twine. What does stand out in my memory is being in the car. Keep in mind that there were no seat belts to keep anyone in place and there was certainly no DVD playing our favorite cartoons.

Now every parent knows that if you have one child in the car you get:

• I'm thirsty.
• I'm hungry.
• I have to potty.
• Are we there yet?
• When will we be there?

You can multiply that for every child. AND you can add:

• He's on my side.
• She's touching me.
• He's looking at me! (My personal favorite.)

And because parents can't let these things go without addressing them:

• Yes, I can see the dust coming out of your mouth. You will have to wait until we get to a rest area.
• Can you wait until we get to a rest area?
• No, we're not there yet.
• Stay on your own side of the car.
• Stop touching your brother.
• Stop looking at your sister.
• DON'T MAKE ME STOP THIS CAR!!

Yep, that's what I remember about those family road trips from my childhood. But this will be me and my soulmate, on a serendipitous journey, with only the sounds of our own voices, maybe the radio and the sounds generated by our electronics. Can't wait!!