Prime Rip-Off

I got sucked into the Amazon Prime thing a year or so ago when I placed an order for some books before Christmas. It was a "30-day free trial". I should have known better. I never remember to cancel those things and then I'm stuck with it. I try to review my credit card statements on a monthly basis, but sometimes I get behind. Before you know it, I'm really stuck with it because I've paid for it.

Since having the membership I've noticed that the free shipping only applies to things that come directly from Amazon, not through third party fulfillment. Here's the rub: the prices you pay to order directly from Amazon are so much higher that it comes out cheaper to buy from the third party and pay the shipping. So what exactly am I getting with my Amazon Prime membership?

Ripped-off is what I think I'm getting. We ordered a precision instrument for Mark on Sunday afternoon. We selected two-day free shipping, which is what you get with the Amazon Prime Service. Today I got an email telling me that the shipment will arrive on April 1. That is a week and two days.

When I called them, they explained that the order was being fulfilled by a third party and therefore the two days free shipping didn't apply. Somehow they'd even managed to charge my account for a $6.30 shipping fee that hadn't been on the order when I clicked submit. Somewhere in the fine print, it may have said that it wasn't coming directly from Amazon. But I didn't see it. If you're about to incur additional charges and the shipping time you've selected isn't actually available, lights should flash and your PC should start shouting "Warning! Warning!" That didn't happen. I called their customer service department. And they are such nice guys over at Amazon - they are going to give me a $7 credit on my next order. Mind you, they're not giving me back the money that I didn't authorize and that I shouldn't have been charged in the first place; they are giving me a credit - which means I'd have to do something stupid like order from them again.

When I said I wasn't happy with the Amazon Prime membership the young lady in their customer service department extended my membership for another month. Just what I need - an additional month of "worthless".

Nowt so Queer as Folk

There's an old English saying, "There's nowt so queer as folk" that means "it takes all kinds". We met our share of them on the ship.

The Directionally Challenged
On our first day at sea we thought it might be fun to take the line dancing class. We got out on the floor and lined up but people kept coming and coming until there were too many people. We no longer had even an arm's length between us. But they weren't going to turn anyone away. Within the first five minutes, the woman next to Mark had gone right when she should have gone left and put her full weight onto Mark's foot. Even though she wasn't a particularly large woman, he was wearing sandals. It hurt. He told me so. He also told me he was going to sit it out but that I should continue.

After he left the floor, the woman said to me "Did I hurt his foot?"
I responded with the truth. "Yes, I believe you did."

Did she say, "Oh my gosh. I am sorry."? No. She giggled. (Sorry lady, it's really not funny.) And when instructed to turn to the left, once again went to the "other left" putting my foot into danger.  Nope. Line dancing was proving to be far too dangerous. Besides, when have you ever seen a group of line dancers making "lasso" gestures and yelling "Yee Haw". Only on a cruise ship. Never in Texas. Which just goes to show you what New Zealanders know about line dancing.

That's Just Stupid
We signed up for the Maitre D's wine tasting. We'd done such an event on Carnival several years ago and only about 20 people showed up. Not on Princess. There were hundreds. There were two relatively long lines at the dining room door.  The lines were divided according to the deck your cabin was on. Since we were on the Aloha deck, we were in the first line. There was a couple behind us and it became apparent that the husband was not happy about the line.

"Why can't we just go in and sit down?"

His wife explained that they were going to seat everyone.

"That's just stupid. Why can't we just sit where we want?"

Once again, she tried to explain that they were checking people in to make sure that everyone had paid.

 "That's just stupid. You've never been on a tour that does that."

She again tried to appease him. Again he repeated "That's just stupid."

Honestly, I can't remember how many times he said "That's just stupid" in the time we waited in line. And I was sweating it. Usually you're seated with the people who are immediately in front of you or behind you in line. I didn't want to have to listen to this guy saying "That's just stupid" any more than I absolutely had to.

But I suspect that the people who were doing the seating had heard him, too. We were the last couple included in a table of six and I saw the couple behind us seated at a table for two. At least no one else had to endure him except his wife. 

I Know Where Marfa Is

At breakfast and lunch (in fact anytime other than an assigned dining time) they always ask if you are "happy to share". We are always happy to share (unless it's with "stupid"). Saying you're happy to share often gets you a table far more quickly than if you want a "romantic" table for two. 

One morning at breakfast there were two pairs of ladies in front of us. Both of them said they were happy to share. It was a table for six, so we set off behind the first pair of ladies but the second pair had dropped back. Apparently they wanted to share, but only with people they knew - not with us. Hmmm. Seems that's not an option. They were eventually shown to the table and sat down.

Even before getting the menus it is customary for everyone to introduce themselves. (You get to where you're from later.) We went around the table and everyone gave his or her name. (Mark was the only male at this particular table and a couple of the women were what the English call "old dears". I can't explain it. But assume that your mental image of an "old dear" is probably correct.)

So the first old dear went around the table and repeated everyone's name, to make sure she had it correctly. It was probably Mark's accent - it throws a lot of people- but she called him Paul. I said it was Mark. Her friend told her it was Mark, not Paul. To which she replied, "I know where Marfa is." Well. What can you say to that?

I'll Take Your Picture
We often volunteer to take pictures of people. It gives everyone a chance to get in the picture if it's a large group. And if it's a couple, it gives them the opportunity to have a photo without someone's arm in it - a well known feature of couples selfie photos. We were just getting ready to do one of those couple selfies when a stranger who was crossing the bridge in the opposite direction stopped and asked if we'd like him to take our picture. Sure! At least we'll have one without Mark's arm in it. Well, here's the photo he took:

I'm glad we looked at it before going ahead. Got to love digital! But I've also got to wonder how many beers this guy had.
  

Going Up?
Elevators can be tricky. When they stop you can't be sure that anyone is getting out. People often don't realize it's the floor they want. If it's crowded, I find it's easiest just to ask if anyone is getting off before I attempt to get on. However, if there's only one other person in the elevator, I just get on. I have now been put in my place and told that it is rude not to let people exit before I enter. Gee. It was a big elevator. I'm not that big and neither was she. I didn't block her exit. I just got on and once she was off  and around the corner out of sight she shouted back to me that it was polite to let everyone exit before getting on. How was I to know she even wanted to exit? She was the only one on the elevator so it wasn't like there wasn't room for me whether she wanted to exit or not. Well, to borrow a phrase from Steve Martin,  "Excuuuuse Me!

Oh No You Don't!
I'm always a bit astonished that people who are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying themselves get so wound up. I went into the ladies room next to the dining room. There were two women at the sink - washing up I assumed. As someone came out of one of the stalls, I started to go in when one of the women at the sink came charging in front of me shouting "Oh No You Don't" and ran into the stall. Wow. All she really needed to say was, "Excuse me, I was here first." But if you're waiting for a stall, it's probably best to look like you're waiting for a stall instead of washing your hands.

But Honey, I'm Wearing a Shirt
And then there's formal night. I'm always entertained to see what some people think formal is. I'd feel conspicuously under-dressed wearing jeans and a sequined tee shirt on formal evenings. It's not the old days and it's not Downton Abbey, so "formal" is a suggestion, not a requirement - at least on the cruise lines I've been on. We've always found that it's more fun to get in the spirit of things. But there are always those (typically guys - but not always) whose idea of formal is putting on a polo shirt instead of a tank top. I'm sorry, but I've yet to see a guy in a tuxedo who didn't look good. Really good.

Anytime

When we cruise, we typically sign up for the late seating in the dining room. We always found 6:30 to be just a bit too early. In truth we found 8:30 to be a bit too late but we dealt with it by having a late afternoon snack. The other problem with the late seating was that many of the people who signed up for it also found it was too late and either switched to the earlier seating or just opted out and went to a buffet leaving you with a sparsely populated table. This time, the late seating was completely reserved and we were assigned to "anytime dining". We thought this might be a good option, figuring that eating around 7:00 or 7:30 would be perfect.

And it was. We also had pleasant and interesting dinner companions each evening. Never the same ones twice, although we encountered many of them in other venues around the ship and stopped for a brief chat. We met people from California, New Jersey, Arizona, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Louisiana, North Carolina and of course, other parts of Texas. 

It's always interesting to hear about what other people did on their shore excursions and whether they thought they were worthwhile. And when you're through with that, you talk about where you live, the weather, your grandchildren (or lack thereof), and what you do (or did). You hear about other cruise lines - what people liked and disliked about them. You hear about what people liked and disliked about different cities and countries they've traveled to.

All in all it makes for an interesting time. I think we'll stay with the anytime dining.

Ditch Crawling

What we really wanted to do was go sea kayaking. Near as I could tell, that wasn't offered in Belize. Instead we went kayaking at Becab Eco Park. I still haven't figured out what was "eco" about it, except that they asked you to spray your bug spray into your palm and rub it on rather than just spraying it around where it might "interfere" with the vegetation.

On our kayaking "adventure" we saw termite nests, one iguana, one snake, and a few very tiny bats. We were one of the first to get into our kayak. Since Mark was giving me the princess treatment and doing all the paddling himself, we paddled around the little lagoon waiting for the others to load up. After watching some of the others, Mark opted to bring up the rear of the group. The best entertainment was provided by the couple in front of us. They were close to our age but they kept running into the bank or into trees that were in the middle of the creek. Keep in mind that there was zero white water in this creek. Those two were an accident waiting to happen. Fortunately Mark is very experienced with a kayak and could stop it way before it even got close to colliding with them. At one point they thought they were holding us up and offered to let us go ahead of them. I guessed Mark was happier having them where he could see them, but he just claimed to be happy in the back.

The iguana

These appeared to be coconuts but there are no palm trees here. Turns out they are a type of chestnut.

Basically, this was okay. The food was okay. I think the people who opted for horses rather than kayaks might have had a better time. They saw monkeys. But you don't know unless you try. I thought our kayak experience in Florida was better. (Wait - didn't I say that about the beach experience, too?)

Maybe next time we should skip the cruise and just drive to Florida.

Clamshell City

Roatan Island in Honduras is beautiful. So is Mahogany Bay beach. But when we reserved two beach chairs and a clamshell, I had visions of Florida in my head. Last September in Florida we had two beach chairs, an umbrella, and a cooler full of drinks. We could put it anywhere we wanted. If someone came and pitched camp in front of us, we were free to move.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I call "Clamshell City". I thought I was going to sit on my beach chair, shaded by my clamshell and look out over the pristine waters of Mahogany Bay. Instead, what I saw from that vantage point was this:

We were three rows back in the clamshells - clamshell number 57. There were a few rows of beach chairs in front of the clamshells. Obviously, the beach was a bit more crowded than I thought it would be. I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm not sure how many passengers were on the Caribbean Princess. I think it has room for several thousand but I don't think it was filled to capacity. And then there was another cruise ship in port before we got there. Of course it was going to be crowded.

I will say that the chairlift to the beach was cool. Much easier to get on and off one of those things when you're not wearing skis.

I won't make the same mistake again. The saving grace was that it wasn't particularly expensive. And for $20 more than what we paid, we could have had a floating clamshell. If I ever go back, that's what I'm going to get. 

Cooking with Oscar and Moises

We have felt ripped off by so many shore excursions. Carnival seems to be the worst offender. I'll never forget the trip to Chichen Itza where the tour operator added 40 minutes to the two-hour bus ride so they could stop at a souvenir stand so everyone could have the opportunity to buy tacky stuff. (Like there's no gift shop at Chichen Itza?) Then to add insult to injury the tour operator provided us with a boxed lunch to eat on the bus - a mystery meat sandwich on stale white bread, a banana that should have been turned into banana bread days before, and a bag of crispy hydrogenated oil. Oh yeah, and a bottle of water that was no longer cold.)

Royal Caribbean seems to be on board with the stopping for souvenirs or drinks. (You just know these places are owned by relatives of the tour operator.)

So when we wandered down to the shore excursion desk, we explained that we didn't want to stop for shopping and that we would prefer to have a decent lunch. We were just about set for the excursion by boat to Passion Island (famous for Corona commercials) when the young lady suggested that we might like the "Mexican Cooking Experience". It was a bit pricey - but I'm going to put it up there as the best shore excursion we've ever taken.

Playa Mia was a short bus ride (10 or 15 minutes) from the pier. Our group was small - fewer than 20 people. Oscar and Moises were entertaining and informative. We made a three course lunch - shrimp and chipotle sauce served in a thick tortilla, garnished with shredded lettuce - grouper with a tamarind sauce and fried plantains with a chocolate-tequila sauce. It was absolutely the best lunch I've ever had on a shore excursion. We all used the same spices, but we didn't measure. Everyone used them to their own taste. Perfect.

We also learned how to decorate plates using chocolate, cream and toothpicks. And to keep it all straight, we did put our names on the plates.

After the best shore excursion lunch ever, we were free to use the beach for a couple of hours. There were the usual chairs and umbrellas as well as floaty things in the water and kayaks.

I'd recommend this one to everybody who likes food.

Bait and Switch

The first night on board they had those gals who work in the spa posted by the elevators working hard to sell the spa services. I looked at the spa "menu" and nearly died of sticker shock. In the end it came down to "I'm a Dallas girl. We just don't pay $200 for a massage."

"How much you pay?"

"Whatever the Groupon is for. Certainly no more than $75. Ever."

They pointed out to me that I was on a ship, like this explains the high price. Actually it does explain it, but it's still not something I absolutely must have. I was perfectly willing to walk away. So they cut a deal. Not for a massage, but for a facial. $62 for a facial and a collagen eye treatment. At home I can get a facial for about $35 or $40 and that's without a Groupon. But after all, I am on a ship. I agreed, they scheduled the appointment for the following day at 4:30 PM, gave me a card to remind me of my appointment time and sent me on my way.

The next day when I arrived at the spa, I was asked WHICH facial I wanted and was shown a menu of facials with prices ranging from $103 on up.

"The price was supposed to be $62 and the eye treatment was to be free."

"No, you misunderstand. The eye treatment is $62 but you are getting it at no charge with the facial."

"That's not what she told me last night. The total was $62 - it included the facial and the eye treatment."

"But you are on a ship. (Even though she pronounced it "sheep", I knew what she meant.

I didn't know why that kept coming up. "I am well aware of where I am. But okay. I'll pick one. But understand that when I go home and write a review on TripAdvisor that you will be dinged for this. You will be dinged hard. I did not misunderstand. I suspect that I may have been deliberately misled, but I did not misunderstand. In fact, you know what? We don't need to do this at all. I can just go and consider this a waste of 30 minutes and we'll call it done."

Now the tune changes. "I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me and I want you to be happy with the service I provide. If price is the problem, I can fix for you."

Well yes. Price is the problem. The real problem is that you told me one price and then tried to tell me a different price when I got there. That is always a problem in my book. We came to a new agreement for $69 that would include a facial and the eye treatment. 

I was happy. Not happy enough to tip over and above the tip that was already added, but I was happy. When I got back to the stateroom with my incredibly soft skin, all Mark wanted to know was "What took you so long?"

"We had a bit of a problem with the pricing..."

Another One Bites the Dust

In my experience, it doesn't matter how much you pay for the bag. Those baggage handlers can ruin an expensive one almost as quickly as they can ruin a cheap one. (Although once I bought a REALLY cheap one that barely made it home - and it only had to go one-way.)

I think that old American Tourister commercial had it right. (See it here.) Most baggage handlers really wanted to play some kind of sport - and they toss your bag around like it's a ball, or slam it like it's an opponent. My pink bag lasted about five years. I'm going to miss it. The body of it was still good and the zippers were still in tact, but like it's plain black predecessor, the handle that allows you to pull it along disappeared into the body and refused to come out.

At the risk of repeating myself, I'm really going to miss that hot pink bag. I could always spot it the moment it came onto the luggage conveyor. I went shopping for a new one and the only thing I could find in hot pink was a $240 bag. And as much as I liked the hot pink, I'm reluctant to pay that much for a bag. Mark had one (not hot pink, but ridiculously expensive). It didn't even make it five years. This sounds a bit like math, but it's not that complicated. If a $75 bag lasts for five years and a $240 bag lasts for five years, which is the better value? Exactly.

Given that I wasn't willing to pay $240 for hot pink I went to another store. (Actually two more stores.) No hot pink to be found. Anywhere. So I settled for a bright bluish purple. It's actually a bit bigger than the pink bag and we'll just have to wait and see how long it lasts. My math tells me that anything over three years is a bonus. But having just returned from my first trip with it, I'm going to have to spend a bit more time looking for it. Maybe I should wrap it with that florescent orange strap...  

What is Quaint?

We've been trying to find a "regular" place to stay the night before we fly home from England. The airport hotels are exorbitantly priced and the only one with decent food is the Marriott. The place we found in Staines was nice, but the only choice for an evening meal was the hotel restaurant or a couple of down market pubs. The Clarence in Windsor offered unlimited dining choices and a great deal of charm, but the inability to take the baggage to our room wasn't a good thing. And the room was so small. So we went back to TripAdvisor to look for another option. We found a place with pretty good reviews in Eton. Just across the Thames from Windsor. A stone's throw. The reviews described it as "quaint".

What do you think of when you think of "quaint"? In England? How about something like this?

Now, I knew it wouldn't be like this because it was in the city and near the Thames. So I was thinking more on the order of this:

Old and quaint are not quite the same. At least not in my book. And then there's the issue of first impressions. I was a bit surprised to be greeted by someone with a shaved head and multiple tattoos and body piercings. (I do try hard not to judge based on appearances, but I admit it's a struggle.) We did have to climb two or three flights of stairs with our bags, but at least they were wide enough for us to get the bags up there. And in all fairness, the tatty-piercy fellow did give us a hand with them.

How's this for quaint? The floor of the room had such a slant to it that I had difficulty staying in bed. I was sure it was a 45 degree angle, but Mark insists that it was only about 7 degrees. There was a small private hallway between the bathroom and the bedroom, not uncommon in these old buildings where en-suite bathrooms have been retrofitted. But the floor of this one was a bit "spongy" in places. Pretty quaint.

To add to the quaintness, the bathroom had one of those shower curtains that clings to your body when you are wet. The bathroom was very narrow. Consequently it had a miniscule sink. It was so small that I soaked my feet while washing my face. (They were so wet I had to change socks.)

But this takes the quaintness cake! This is a picture of our "closet".

Really??? What could you possibly hang in there? Maybe doll clothes?

I think the owner's relatives must have written all those glowing "quaint" reviews. Meanwhile, we'll resume our search for a "regular" place to stay.