The Not So Tru-Green Grass of Home

When it was so hot during the summer of 2011 we lost most of our front lawn. It's being taken over by dallisgrass - horrible and very difficult to get rid of. As long as you keep it mowed, it doesn't look too bad. But I'd really like for it to be nice. So when the guy from Tru-Green called a couple of months ago, I really did want to talk. But he'd called at a bad time. I told him I was interested and asked if he could call back later or the next day. He said he would and that was the last I heard from him. That should have been my first clue that the company wasn't particularly responsive..

But in truth, I don't get all that upset when a telemarketer doesn't call back. Who does? Then I got a letter from Tru-Green. It promised me a custom-tailored approach to a lawn I'd love. The letter said they would send someone out to perform a lawn analysis once I'd agreed to the service. The letter also offered 10% off for new customers. That's me! I called the toll-free number to get pricing information.

As it turns out, there were two pricing options depending on the service required. One was for lawns that were already in pretty good shape - the less expensive option - and the other price was for lawns that needed a bit more work. Even though I'd rated my back lawn as "fair" and my front lawn a bit lower than "poor", the nice man on the phone advised me to wait until the analysis before determining which service best suited my needs. That seemed like a good idea. It was a Tuesday. He told me someone from the local office would call me on Wednesday and set something up for Thursday or Friday. Sounded great! I was eager to get started.

But no one called. I left it until the following Tuesday morning before calling back. I was told by the adequately civil young lady who answered the phone that I was indeed set up in the customer database and that someone would call me back within 24 hours.

Again no one called. So I called back on Wednesday afternoon and was told that someone would be out on Friday. Then I received a system-generated call on Thursday reminding me that someone would be out to treat my lawn on Friday. I was sure that was in error. How could they treat it? No one had analyzed it yet. I made the assumption that since it was an automated message it probably gets sent to anyone who has an appointment of any kind.

Or maybe not. Friday morning a guy shows up with a truck. He's ready to treat the lawn. I'm not ready. My cats are outside and need to rounded up and brought in the house. Also there was the question of "no one has analyzed the lawn yet". Even though he said, "You're kidding?" I suspected that it wasn't the first time he encountered a new client who'd had no analysis. I explained to him the ordeal of getting an appointment for someone to come out and do the analysis and then he said "I guess I'll do it." He guesses?? Actually he does guess. I don't know what this "scientific" analysis is supposed to consist of. As near as I can tell it consisted of him looking at my front lawn and telling me that dallisgrass is almost impossible to kill (that's true - not a guess.) He told me that the sales department had probably oversold the service and that he might not be able to deliver everything they promised. Then we walked around to the back so he could tell me that the St. Augustine looked pretty good and should fill in the bare patch easily enough. That's a scientific analysis?? What about soil samples? Testing kits? Just guesses, I guess.

Against my better judgement, I allowed him to put down what I thought was a weed killer and a pre-emergent. That was last Friday. So far I don't see any dead weeds. He also presented me with a bill for the more expensive option - not unexpected, but a bit surprised since there hadn't been an  analysis. I called back to tell them that I still expected the analysis. That appointment was set for yesterday. Again I got the phone call letting me know that my lawn would be treated. I was truly hoping it wouldn't be, but at this stage who could say?

I waited all day for him to show up. At 4 PM I called what I thought was the local office to see if he was coming. I needed to go to the bank and pick up a prescription. If he was coming, I didn't want to miss him. They put me on hold and abandoned me. Eventually they took me off hold and I could hear people talking in the background, but no one was talking to me. After several minutes of listening to myself saying "Hello? Hello? Hellooooo??" I hung up and called back. Now I'm upset. I've wasted my entire day. I could have played golf and I still needed to go to the bank and the pharmacy and they've abandoned me on hold. The young lady who answered the phone this time spoke as though she had a mouth full of marbles and was now claiming that she was NOT in the local office but was just answering the phone for them. She also claimed that the guy had been at my house. "Really? I didn't see him. What did he do while he was here?" She didn't know. She assumed that he didn't put down any chemicals because the notes said that he was sent to "talk to the client". "If he came here specifically to talk to me, don't you find it odd that he left without doing that?" I'm not sure what her answer was to that one. I found her extremely difficult to understand, so I asked to speak with the manager. But after putting me on hold, she came back to tell me that neither the manager, nor the supervisor, not the tech who was supposed to be at my house were answering their phones. I bet you're as surprised as I was.

So, now that my confidence in the local office had been completely eroded, I tried the national number again. Those sales/customer service people are always sooo nice and understanding - very sympathetic to being placed on hold and left to die. I asked for more details about the scientific analysis. The young lady was happy to explain that there are four points.

1. Identify the grass type.
2. Identify the weeds and bugs.
3. Determine the pH level of the soil.
4. Determine the moisture level.

I really don't think that one and a half out of four is that good. You can identify the grass type and the predominant weeds by looking. You might need to look under the surface for bugs unless one jumps up and flies in your face. Unless the ground is completely saturated or crunchy, I think it might be difficult to determine the moisture level by looking at it or even walking on it. And if he could tell the pH level of the soil by looking at the grass, then he's really good. But I think the truth is that he's lazy, or cheap, or both.

I told the folks at the toll-free number that I don't intend to call the local number again. I also told them that I regret letting the guy put down any chemical without having the analysis first. And just so there's no confusion, I told them that I don't intend to part with as much as a dime until they keep up their end of the deal. I'm told that someone will get back to me. We'll see, because I'm through contacting them.

I don't want to spend hours each week trying to contact a company that doesn't seem to want my business. There must be another company that can do this job properly and that actually wants my business. All I really want is nice grass.