What's Wrong With Next Door?

First, let me say that we love where we live. Most of the people we've met have been wonderful. (Actually, I can't think of any that aren't, just assuming that in four years, there must have been one or two that weren't.) So I was initially surprised by all the negativity on Next Door, which I'll discuss momentarily. 

For those who may not know, Next Door is a social media platform that is designed to be used by people in a designated neighborhood. You can't join a neighborhood that you don't live in. On the surface it seemed a great way to learn about what was going on in our neighborhood. I'd actually tried to join in our old town in Texas, but the way that was structured our neighborhood only consisted of a few streets. And the whole town there was only a few thousand people more than where we live now, except that now our neighborhood consists of not only our immediate neighborhood, but the entire subdivision and apparently every subdivision in the county - many of which I've never heard of. Consequently, much of what is posted there isn't even relevant to me, but I don't know that until I actually go to the post and look. So I was getting email notifications about things going on in places I never heard of and don't care about. 

The other problem with the email notifications on Next Door is that frequently the discussion was closed several hours or days before I got the notification. Not only is it closed to new comments, you cannot read the existing comments. I understand closing it to new comments, but not letting people see what the comments were is annoying. 

And of course there is the issue of the post being removed by the administrator. I think some of this is because the original post may have violated a community standard and contained racist or other unacceptable remarks. But sometimes the reason the post is removed is not clear. In fact, there is considerable complaining about this on the platform.

But the negativity. Oh my! When we first moved here, I had a question about noise levels. When we were in Texas, we were out in a small town with lots of space around us and no HOA rules. I wondered if the HOA had a rule about decibel levels? Thinking this was the type of question my neighbors might have answers to, I posed the question to Next Door. Not only did I not get a definitive answer, I was told that if I expected "peace and quiet" I had come to the wrong place. I was told to move out. I was told to stop being a grumpy old woman. I was told to stop complaining. It's important to understand that I did not complain about my neighbors being too loud. I only asked about limits on decibel levels. For all any of those people encouraging me to "get out of town" knew, I might be the one making noise. And for the record, I rarely hear my neighbors on either side and if they hear us when we have parties, they've never complained. 

The next time I was brave enough to make a post was when a car zoomed past us going so fast that we couldn't identify what kind of car it was - only that it was red. The speed limit is 25 mph on the main streets and only 20 mph on the side streets. In addition to the car going too fast, it passed us (we were in a golf cart) with another vehicle coming in the opposite direction. Again, it was suggested that I find another place to live - a place that was slower and quieter. I was admonished to stop complaining. I have to assume that the person with multiple posts on this one was probably the driver of the red car. 

Many people complain about the service or the food in the restaurants here. I often agree with much of what they say. However, airing it on Next Door doesn't accomplish anything. The restaurant management does not see Next Door. Every now and again, someone will advise the poster to talk to management, but they're rarely told to move.  

And then you have people who just grab hold of an issue - for instance replacing our cable service provider (paid by the HOA) with fiber optic service. Why didn't everyone get to vote on this? Can I keep the cable service? We should recall the HOA board. The fiber optic company will destroy my landscaping. The fiber optic company is not reliable. The fiber optic company has poor customer service ratings. The board should not make any decisions without getting the approval of every homeowner. Why didn't everyone get to vote on this? Who will pay for the replacement of my landscaping when they destroy it? I like the cable company. How will I get channel 84? We should sue the HOA board of directors. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You know, there were a couple of people I just had to block because I only have so much tolerance for beating dead horses. The questions were all asked and answered MULTIPLE times, yet one individual persisted. She may still be going on about it, but since I blocked her, I'll never know. Thankfully. 

And now the straw that broke this camel's back. We changed management companies this month. This was a developer decision, nothing to do with the HOA board. We were notified about two weeks before the change and told that our automated payments (if we had them) would need to be changed. Okay, they're waiving any late fees for August until they get it sorted out. But we have optional activities that require tickets. Right now, you can't use a credit card to buy tickets or print them off at home the way you could in the past. You can only reserve them until you can take a check to the office where they print them for you. Not convenient at all. I commented that I didn't think the transition was smooth and that they should have been better prepared. Comments from my neighbors?  I was just looking for something to complain about. The transition hasn't inconvenienced anyone (posted by someone who has probably never purchased a ticket to anything - on the other hand, I purchased $280 worth of tickets and had to take a check to the office so they could print my tickets. It was inconvenient.)  There is just too much negativity! Well, they got that part right. 

As a post script - I have turned off all notifications from Next Door so even if someone sends me a private message, I won't know about it. 

If you're on Next Door for my neighborhood, please let me know if there's something important. The only thing I'll miss is the occasional wildlife pictures. 

First Dates and Going Steady

Remember how awkward that first date was? Will he call me again? Will she go out with me again? It's almost the same for couples. As a couple, finding couple friends can be a challenge. Sometimes the women are friends to begin with but the men don't like each other. Or the other way around, the men were all long-time friends but the women all hated each other. Or maybe the woman is a real sweetheart but her husband/partner is a jerk or the man is a great guy but his wife/partner is overbearing.  So when all four of you like each other, it's great. And you find that out when you go on a "date". 

You meet at a community event, a neighborhood gathering, a friend's party or the local watering hole. Maybe you go to their house or have them over to your house for drinks or a meal. Maybe you go out somewhere. But in that time, you want to learn a little more about each other to decide whether you want to spend more time together. 

You're going to find out some basic information - how many kids/grandkids they have, where they're from, what types of food they like or dislike. Whether they have dogs, cats or both. You'll find out something about their work experience and their education. You'll probably find out something about their politics, even if you don't ask. But by the end of the evening you're going to have an idea of whether you want to spend more time with them. What you don't know is how they felt about it. 

You know your own feelings. You thought the "date" went well. You had a great evening.  You had so much to talk about. They seemed to enjoy the food, you got through several bottles of wine and you're looking forward to seeing them again and spending more time with them. But then they don't call you. They don't have you over. They don't even ask you to meet up for drinks at the bar. Nothing. A month or more goes by and they are silent and you're left wondering what happened. Are we too old? Too young? Wrong religion? Wrong politics? Are we more boring than we thought? No answers to those questions, but one thing is clear - you won't be going steady with that couple. 

After living in Solivita for nearly four years, we're going steady with several couples. Of course, it's not that "exclusive" thing we did in high school. No one is joined at the hip. We are not together every day and maybe not every week. Everyone spends time with other people. But we do get together on a regular basis. Not necessarily the same night of the week, like when we were younger and still working those 9 to 5 jobs. But we see these couples on a regular basis, at least once a month. We have dinner at each other's houses, we go out for dinner or to a concert, and we are always included if they have a party. Life is good and we're still open to "first dates". 

 

You Have Mail

 I stopped looking at email months ago - maybe over a year. I probably missed a few things but nothing of any social or poltical importance and when people understood that sending me an email is like sending something into a black hole, they started texting me. But while we were on vacation I was struck by the desire to start using email again. 

But in order to make it usable, I needed to clean it up. When we got back from our cruise last week, I had upwards of 135,000 unread emails. Mind you, they didn't all come in that week. They have been accumulating over the years. I'm not sure how many years exactly, but since before 2013, which is nine years ago. 

It just got to be too much to keep up with it. All it took was one week away on vacation and I couldn't catch up. Spam coming in from everybody. When I place an order for anything online, I look for those boxes that default to a check mark so that I do not accidentally opt-in to their marketing emails. I resent having to unsubscribe from stuff I never subscribed to in the first place. Last week I wanted to place an order on etsy. In the end, I didn't buy it because shipping it to the US would have cost three times the price of the item. So I asked the seller how much it would be to ship it to a UK address. And even though "James" usually responds to inquiries within 2 business days, as far as I know he never responded to my question. But I did start getting email from etsy. And I had to unsubscribe. Back when we were running the inspection business, I would get a system-generated email everytime a client paid by credit card. I rarely opened those because I didn't need to. But 10 or more clients per day - most of them paying by credit card. And to make matters worse, I'd get one email when the card was authorized and another when the payment was processed. This is how I ended up with 135K unread emails and if we count the ones that were read but not deleted, I think we're in the neighborhood of 150K

My plan was to "select all" and hit the delete button - well maybe the archive button. What I found was that gmail will only do this in blocks of 50. I'd  have to do it 3,000 times. 

And so here we are. It's Friday and I've been doing this all day every day for a week. No gym, no pool, no reading - just deleting and archiving emails. I'm now down to 44,000 and I'm back to 2013. So I am making progress.   

Pancakes and Waffles

 I'm not sure how old I was when I first went to spend a couple of weeks with my grandparents. Not very old, maybe 5 or 6. The first week was spent with Grandma Ash and the second week with Grandma Mohr. (Notice that I haven't mentioned either Grandpa because they were here, there, and busy most days and I spent most of my time hanging out with the Grandmas.) 

My Grandma Ash made the best pancakes. No Aunt Jemima mix for her. She made them from Robin Hood flour, eggs and whatever else you needed to make a perfect pancake. They were amazing! A beautiful golden color, piping hot and topped with plenty of butter and lots of maple syrup. My breakfast of choice. I had them every day I was there. 

And then I was delivered to Grandma Mohr. My first morning there she asked what I'd like for breakfast. I said I'd like a pancake. I sat down at the table and waited while she prepared my breakfast. The plate was placed before me and I'm sure I just looked at it for a bit. The pancake was not a beautiful golden color. It was mostly white with a few brown streaks in it. The syrup wasn't honey-colored either, it was clear. This was the most anemic looking pancake I'd ever seen and I didn't even know what anemic meant. It looked nothing like the pancakes I'd grown to love the week before. Not only did it not look right, it didn't taste right, either. I had no idea what she made it with. It wouldn't have mattered if I did. At that tender age, I assumed all pancakes were made the same way and I knew it wasn't "right". And that was when I announced to my Grandma Mohr that I wanted a pancake like my Grandma Ash made. 

I don't really remember what happened after that. I probably stopped asking Granny Mohr for pancakes. And that is undoubtedly why I was not named in her will. 

My own grandchildren were fairly easy when it came to breakfast. When they were 4 or 5 they mostly wanted toaster waffles. Without butter and without syrup. Dry. But okay, it's easy and it doesn't make much of a mess. But shortly after they'd moved from Texas to Oklahoma, they came back to Texas for a visit and while I was toasting their waffles, they announced that they no longer liked Texas waffles; they only liked Oklahoma waffles. 

Indeed. I explained to them that a Leggo waffle is the same no matter what state you buy it in. I'm not sure they believed me but these are the same kids who didn't like the fresh orange juice I made in my Breville juicer because it "tasted like oranges". It seemed they preferred Sunny Delite, but I could never bring myself to buy that. My best compromise was Tropicana. 

Revolutionary Ideas

Back in the early 70s there was a "special speaker" at church. I don't remember his name, and I don't remember much what he looked like, but I remember why he was there. I also remember the gist of what he said and at least one very specific thing he said. 

He was there to drum up support, mostly financial, for a private Christian academy. This was necessary because public schools were godless places that would corrupt children. He even asked the very attentive audience "Do you know what they are teaching your children in public school?? (He repeated the question for effect before answering it himself.) Your kids are being taught that our nation's founding fathers were a bunch of rebel-rousing revolutionaries!!" Well, I was probably the only person sitting in that congregation who didn't gasp and clutch my pearls. 

Why did he think it was called the American "Revolution"? Revolutionary wars typically involve revolutionaries. In my world, the word revolutionary has never had negative connotations. But just for the record, I wanted my child to be taught that the founding fathers were revolutionaries. Because they were. Regardless of their motivations, the American form of democracy was revolutionary in the 18th century. 

But apparently enough people were appalled at the idea of the truth being taught to their kids that they threw their support behind the idea and the Elyria Christian Academy opened around 1974, with the support of a number of churches. It operated for a couple of years before the Baptists and a large non-denominational church fell out and started their own schools. I wasn't privy to the source of the discord, probably something political or perhaps a finer point of theology, but I also wasn't surprised. I've known a lot of people who are "my way or the highway" kind of folks - we won't name names. 

At the time, the idea was to reject all state funds because the school would be exempt from state rules if they didn't take the money. I don't know if that worked out. My assumption is that the state could still impose some minimum standards on education, even if they didn't control the curriculum. I'm going to throw out a wild pitch here, but there are some faith-based schools in the UK where the students learn to read the Quran. That would be okay if they learned some other basics, too. But they don't. Needless to say, once they "graduate" they are not qualified to do anything but read the Quran. So I'm inclined to favor some minimum standards in education. 

But let's fast forward fifty years. They no longer want their own schools where they can teach their own world view. They want the the rest of us to pay for it. (And by "they" I'm not talking about these schools in particular but by Christian schools in general.) They want that government money, in the form of vouchers, to support their schools without losing their autonomy. They also want public schools to teach their world view. Because if they're paying tax, they should be able to dictate how things go. Fifty years ago I objected to the school because I found the idea of painting the founding fathers as something they were not objectionable. I also objected to placing a child in an environment where they would only be exposed to one viewpoint. But the fact that other people did not want their children exposed to ideas that might be different from their own didn't really bother me. But now they're trying to impose their own views on everyone, and that does bother me. 

Just a note before someone calls me out for sending my child to this school: It was never my idea and it's not something I would have paid for. My parents wanted to pay for it and the child wanted to go. I allowed it because I was in the process of moving from Ohio to Texas and knew that he would not be in that school longer than one semester. Turns out it was about 2 and 1/2 months in the fifth grade. We've never really had an in depth discussion about his time there. I do know that he had a wonderful, caring teacher, but then he had some of those in public schools, as well. 

The Original Fake News?

I joined a Facebook group that was supposed to be about growing up in the 50s and 60s. Nostalgia. How wonderful it was to grow up in that time. And then someone had the nerve to point out that it wasn't all as fine and dandy as we liked to remember. It made me think. In truth, I spent a year or so  living in fear. And I felt like I had to hide it. 

So what was I afraid of? In a word, Russia. I saw Nikita Krushchev pounding his shoe on the podium at the United Nations and threatening to bury us. As a nine year old, I didn't understand that a Russian plane could not get to Ohio without being intercepted or shot down. So every time a plane flew over, I was ready to run into the house if I saw bombs falling, which of course never happened. I prayed every night that Krushchev would find Jesus and stop being mean. 

I wanted to probe a little deeper into why I had what now seems an irrational fear. I wanted to explore whether I picked it up from my dad, or whether it was just being in the room when the news was on. Had I overheard adults discussing world affairs? I wanted to find the image of Krushchev pounding his shoe, because there are pictures or video of everything that ever happened. 

I googled it and to my shock, the Internet now says that it didn't happen. I was only nine years old but I believe it happened. I have talked to others my age and they believe it happened. But Google says it didn't happen, that the photos were "doctored" because that was before the days of Photoshop. 

So now I am torn between what I believe I saw with my own nine year old eyes or what Google says is true. If indeed it didn't happen and someone went to all that trouble to make us think it did - good job! You frightened the life out of nine year old kids. But in this case, I think I'll stay with what I know to be true, even though Google says it's not so. 

Driving Me Crazy

It seems the older I get, the easier it is to drive me crazy. And all this time I thought I was mellowing out. I was wrong. For example, I joined a Facebook Group that's supposed to be about growing up in the 50s and 60s. There are thousands of members - from around the world. Why should this drive me crazy? For starters I expected most members to be boomers, like me. What's known as a cohort. But there are people in the group who claim they got married in 1951 or 1952. I'm going to assume that if you got married in the early 50s, you probably grew up in the 30s and 40s. I'm okay with that, but if you grew up a decade or two before me, our collective memories are not the same. We didn't listen to the same music and our school experience would have been different. The point of the website is to share those common memories and experiences, but when you have a wide age group you don't have the shared experiences and that is the point of the website. 

Then you have a member asking other group members to name a song with the word "moon" in the title, That's Amore is not an appropriate response. Title and lyrics are not the same. Never have been. 

When asked to name our favorite school lunch, one woman replied that she attended an all girl business high school. What on earth does that have to do with any lunch, much less her favorite lunch?? Didn't girls in business high schools eat?

When asked whether your family used the word "supper" or "dinner" for the evening meal, one person responded with "I don't know". How important is it that the rest of us know that you "don't know"? 

Then there are what I call the scammers and the lonely hearts. The scammers are typically people with unfamiliar foreign names - I don't know whether they are male or female - who want you to click a link and collect $1000. Right. Get a life. I'm not stupid enough to click that link. The lonely hearts are typically men who have a canned message - "Hello. You are a beautiful woman. I enjoy your posts. I tried to send you a friend request but it didn't go through. Can you send me a friend request?" These people will send this to a dozen or more women on the same thread. Most ignore it, but one replied "How do I do that?" I just wanted to jump through the screen and say "Why would you do that??"

Then there are the self-promoters. These are the people who feel compelled to post a photo showing how wonderful they look at whatever age they are. Sometimes it's their birthday. How lonely are these people that they need thousands of people to tell them how good they look or wish them a happy birthday?

And then there are people like me who are wondering what's up with all the people driving us crazy. But unlike me, they are being rude on the forum. Just because you feel like saying something snarky doesn't mean you should. They are also announcing that they are leaving the group, which brings on a barrage of "oh, please stay" messages. Kind of like a girl I knew in high school who would always make a negative remark about her hair/makeup/dress so that everyone around her would respond with "oh no, your hair/makeup/dress looks great! That's such a great style/color/etc. on you!" Well, I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to slip out the back door. 

The Biltmore Estate

The Biltmore Estate is gorgeous.  I could live there easily, as long as I have a full contingent of servants to bring me whatever I left in the other room. The views are fantastic. The amenities are perfect - well except for the pool. It's a must see. Only problem was the stairs. The elevators are only for family. It killed me. 

But see for yourself how beautiful it is. 

And the views and the grounds! The view below is from a verandah/balcony on the second floor looking out over what I assume is the estate. 

The grounds are immaculate. 

We also learned a few things about the Vanderbilts while we were there. Apparently they paid New York City wages to the people who worked in the house and on the grounds. To me, this is double-edged. Obviously they had no shortage of people who wanted to work there. Employees were treated and paid well. For many, it was the first time they had a bed of their own without having to share with one or more siblings. But the other side of that is that the people who worked there were paid extravagantly by local standards which may have messed with the local economy. It wasn't a question I wanted to ask. 

But the thing that impressed me is that during the war, the Vanderbilts took many of the art treasures from the White House and hid/stored them on their estate at no charge to the government. They looked on it as an honor and a privilege. How many billionaires do we have today that would be willing to do that? 

I've visited a number of "stately homes" in the UK and this one  definitely meets and in many instances exceeds that standard. 

Preparing for Stone Mountain

There's been a lot of talk recently about Confederate monuments and whether they should stay where they are. I never really paid attention to them growing up. Yes, if you visit places in the south you're going to see statues of Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee. It has been normal. No one ever questioned the appropriateness of those statues until now. You  never stopped to think that these guys were traitors to the United States. Aside from that, they lost the war. Typically the victors are the ones who erect statues. No statues for losers. Of course all the statues are in the south. You're not going to find a statue of Jefferson Davis in Boston.  And not only did they put up statues, they even named US military bases after these guys. You don't have any military bases in the United States named after General Cornwallis, or Field Marshal Rommel. But I'm getting sidetracked. My personal belief is that those statues belong in Civil War Battleground Parks, like Vicksburg and Gettysburg. They do not have a place in the town square. So if you've never been to Stone Mountain, you may not realize that it is the granddaddy of all Confederate monuments.

I hesitated to go this time. Again, until recently, I hadn't given much thought to Confederate monuments or the people who wanted to keep the spirit of the Confederacy alive. Even though I grew up in Ohio, there was no shortage of people claiming southern roots. At one time, I had a set of beach towels, one looked like a Union flag and the other a Confederate flag. I thought nothing of it. But amidst all the cries of "it's our heritage" and "it's our history" in regard to eliminating monuments to Confederate soldiers, I'm not sure what is going on. Most of these monuments weren't even put up until the 1920s - over 50 years after the war ended.

It's s interesting. Our heritage and our history. Just what is the heritage of the Confederacy.? A willingness to fight to the death for the right to own another human being. The idea that you could own a human being, just like you own a horse or a dog. And you can treat them like livestock and no one can say a word. 

So how about the history? I've been trying to think back to what I was taught in school. (I know, it was a very long time ago.) At least I was typically one of the kids who was actually paying attention and there are only a few things I remember. 

In elementary school we were taught about the Merrimac and the Monitor, a famous Civil War sea battle. I don't remember them saying much about the war, but I do remember that battle. I also remember being taught about Harriet Beecher Stowe, who wrote Uncle Tom's Cabin but I don't remember actually reading it, although I probably did. We also learned the Battle Hymn of the Republic. And we learned that the South lost and Lincoln freed the slaves. 

I think it was junior high when we read The Red Badge of Courage. Can't remember much else about what we might have been taught. But that was Ohio history and it would only have been discussed from a state history perspective. 

In high school they started teaching about the causes. Up until then, I think I must have assumed that slavery was the sole cause of the war. And if you look closely, it was. Trying to blame economics isn't going to work because the plantation economy depended on slave labor. The two are tied. But everything was glossed over and presented in a very "matter-of-fact" way. Plantation owners couldn't afford to pay people to work in their fields or houses. Slavery was essential. And abolitionists were painted with the crazy brush. 

In college they wanted to make it all about state's rights. But still, what it comes down to is a state's right to allow it's citizens to own other human beings. We're seeing some of this states rights stuff rear it's ugly head again as some states want to be able to limit voting rights and feel that it's their right to do so. 

We were told that most of the slave owners were benevolent masters - providing food, clothing, and housing for all their slaves, as well as education for some. They didn't mention that families could be split up on a whim.  It wasn't considered rape if you owned her and any children born to her were yours.  People could be beaten nearly to death (and in some cases were beaten to death) to set an example. These are things that most of us find repugnant, but there are those people out there who want to preserve their "heritage" and their "history" and the right to own a person and exercise complete control over them figures predominantly in this heritage and history. 

I've been struggling with writing this since July. It's now November. In the end, I recognize that no one actually cares what I think about any of this. So I'm just going to go on record and publish it. 

The "heroes" of the Confederacy were traitors to the United States and should not have statues put up in town squares. Leave them to Gettysburg and Vicksburg. You're not going to find a statue of Benedict Arnold anywhere in this country. Why should you find one of Robert E. Lee? 

Higher Prices and Bad Food

 

The last time we took a trip when we needed to book hotels was in 2019 when we went from Florida back to Texas to pick up a UHaul full of stuff that we missed when the movers came. We planned to stay in the same places again. For both the outbound and inbound legs of the trips we were staying at Hilton Garden Inns and Holiday Inns. 

So this is what I know about hotels in the time of Covid. You pay more and get less. The average price per night on that 2019 trip was $120 per night. This time it was $180. Seems significant to me. 

The Holiday Inn hadn't really changed their menu but the Hiltons and the Embassy Suites, where we spent four nights in OKC had what they called a "limited" menu. In Mobile, they were serving their limited menu on real plates but with plastic cutlery. But the food was awful. The young man who was bartending and serving in the dining room was very personable and friendly but in my old-fashioned opinion, dressed totally inappropriately for the job. (He was wearing a hoodie with the sleeves cut completely off.) I'm just going to say that if I owned the hotel, people working in the dining room would at least be wearing shirts with sleeves. But let's get back to the awful food. I ordered a Cobb salad. There are a few things that a Cobb salad should have. Avocado, bacon, tomato, blue cheese crumbles to name a few. This salad had no avocado or bacon and the blue cheese crumbles had been replaced by dried out grated cheddar cheese. It was served with fried chicken rather than grilled or roasted chicken which would have been okay except that the chicken had probably been fried two or three days before it found it's way into the salad. Totally dried out with the meat and breading separating. Mark had a BBQ chicken salad. The young man told him no one had ever ordered that before. Probably not a good omen. It really wan't too different from my salad except that there was BBQ sauce on it instead of vinaigrette or blue cheese dressing. So there was no way we were going to brave that place for breakfast, especially at 14.95 each. 

On to Shreveport. Another Hilton Garden Inn. Another "limited" menu. The only thing that wasn't "fried food" was the grilled chicken breast. It was okay. Nothing stellar. Very bland and served on a paper plate with plastic cutlery. They also had signs all over the dining room indicating that breakfast was no longer free. Again, I don't want to pay for whatever they're serving on their plastic plates. 

Then we arrived at our destination - Embassy Suites in Norman, OK. We were informed when we checked in that the bar/restaurant was open from 5 until 10, again with a "limited" menu, which we noticed was served in boxes and on plastic. Fortunately, there were multiple restaurants very close by, so we only got stuck eating their very limited menu one night. The odd thing was that they did a breakfast buffet. With real plates. But plastic cutlery. You could even get a custom order omelet. So apparently Covid precautions are only important after breakfast. 

The other thing they were being cheap about was cleaning the room. We were told when we checked in that housekeeping would only be performed by request. What that means in real life is that they aren't planning on cleaning your bathroom, making your bed, or providing you with more towels unless you make a special call. As my British husband would say "Sod that!" Assume that I'm calling you every day. The sheets don't have to be changed every day but I do want you to make the bed. I also want the bathroom tidied on a daily basis. 

On our return trip, we spent the first night in a Holiday Inn. To their credit, they really didn't have many changes. (We'd stayed at that one in Pearl, MS before.) The menu may have been slightly different because it wasn't the glossy Denny's type menu they used to have, but a simple printed page. But it was easy to find the grilled shrimp salad that I like. And it was all served on real plates with real cutlery. 

Which brings me to that last night in Tallahassee at a Hilton Garden Inn with yet another limited menu with food in boxes and plastic cutlery. We just couldn't bring ourselves to eat there. But there was a Texas Roadhouse just down the road...

Scammed

 

Nobody likes to be scammed. I hate that it happens to anyone and I really hate that it happened to me. Our recent trip to Oklahoma was the first trip we made without the benefit of an internet connection for the computer in the car. It was a necessity when we were running a business. Now it's a luxury and one we decided we could live without, particularly in light of Covid. Bottom line, we had to rely on our phones to make reservations. 

The thing I know about the Internet in general and Google in particular is that when you search on something, you don't necessarily get that. You get what other people have paid Google to show you. And there might be a whole page of people who paid for you to see something you didn't want to see. 

I wanted to see the information for the Hilton Garden Inn in Daphne, Alabama. If I'd been on a computer instead of a phone I might have seen the fine print of the URL that belonged to a third party reservations company - not Hilton Hotels. 

And now, for a brief moment, I'm going to rant about the "web economy" because most of it, near as I can tell, is a bunch of people who are getting between businesses and their customers and providing very little no value. But they add on fees making whatever you wanted to buy (in this case, a night in a hotel) far more expensive than it would have been if I'd phoned the business direct. But I was prevented from doing that because these third party creeps paid Google to show their contact details along with a map of where the hotel is located and I thought I was phoning Hilton. 

It took longer than I thought it should for the phone to be answered. And when they did answer, all the said was "Reservations". I thought I was talking to Hilton. They never told me I wasn't. The guy's name was Danny (or so he said) I had to repeat the name and city of the hotel for him at least three times, so I'm pretty sure he knew where we wanted to stay. I even asked if he needed my Hilton rewards number and he said they'd take care of that when I checked in. 

When we got to the Hilton Garden Inn in Daphne, they had no record of our reservation. But Danny Boy had texted me a confirmation. I pulled it up on my phone. Danny had booked us into the Hilton Garden Inn by the Airport in Mobile. Apparently our long day of driving wasn't over. They had no availability in Daphne and were powerless to change a booking that originated with a third party service anyway. 

So we trudged on to Mobile. I tried to phone them to see why they had switched hotels on me without my consent, but when you select the option to talk about an existing reservation, those people are NEVER going to answer their phone. 

So my credit card has been charged $50 more than it should have been to stay in a hotel that's a bit out of the way, and not the one I asked for. I didn't get any points on my rewards card, because of the third party people. All I got was complimentary water. I was not happy. I'm still not happy about this. But I've learned a thing or two about searching for something on a phone. 

Going forward, we should decide how far we're going to drive and book the hotel on a computer so we don't have to deal with the small print on the phone. An expensive lesson in money and time. It makes me hate scammers even more. 

The Tyranny of Networks

Last week I received an EOB (explanation of benefits) from our health insurance company. (I won't call them a provider because they don't actually "provide" anything.) It seems I'm expected to pay over 50% of the ambulance bill because the ambulance (which is a county service) is not in the network. 

I'm going to date myself here. It's okay. I know I'm old but I remember when you actually paid your own medical bills. After you met your deductible, you filed a claim with your health insurance company and were reimbursed for what you'd paid over your deductible. You could choose any doctor you wanted. You didn't need to worry about networks or referrals.

When insurance companies decided to start paying the doctors directly, eliminating our need to pay up front and then file for reimbursement, we thought it would be a great convenience.  I am convinced that we, as consumers got the short end of that stick (as we usually do). Aside from the occasional dispute about "usual and customary charges" (a term you don't hear anymore) the old plan worked. 

I think it was the early to mid-80s when my employer, who was self-insured, decided to switch over from being self-insured to using a third-party insurance company. Initially, it all worked pretty much the same - you filed your claims after you'd met the $100 deductible and they sent you a check. But with this changeover they introduced what became known among the employees as "the $5 doctors". If you went to one of the doctors on this list, you paid $5.00. It didn't apply to your deductible but you'd have to go to the doctor 20 times to equal your $100 deductible. (Back in those days, the average doctor visit was $15 to $20 dollars - so it was a cost savings to you.) Again, it seemed like a good deal for the consumer. After visiting two of the $5 doctors, I came to two conclusions. 1. You DO get what you pay for. If the average price is $15 and you're paying a third of that, there is a reason. 2. If the office furniture and paint was last updated two decades ago, leave. Leave now. This is not a doctor you want to see.

But then came the day when we no longer had a choice. We had to see a doctor who was "in network". Well, you didn't have to but there were serious financial consequences if you didn't. I lived in a very small town and I remember my doctor asking me to get him whatever paperwork he needed to join whatever networks his patients were in. I also remember a number of friends being duped into high charges because they phoned the doctor's office and asked "Do you take XYZ insurance?" And of course the response was "We take ALL insurance." The correct question is "Are you an "in network" provider with XYZ insurance?" 

I had a car accident in the 90s. Not my fault, but I had to keep track of what I paid and what the insurance company paid so a claim could be filed with the "at fault" party's auto insurance. That's when I first realized that I paid more than the insurance company. I paid almost two thirds more than they did. 

The same was true for prescriptions. Back in the 80s and 90s I paid less than $3 for a 90-day supply of a generic muscle relaxer. Then the insurance company got involved with it and the minimum charge for any prescription was $5. AND now I could only buy a 30-day supply. So it was now going to cost me $15 for something that had previously cost less than $3. And don't get me started about all the times we were going to run out of prescription meds while we were out of town and couldn't get refills because the insurance company couldn't be reached for a vacation override approval.  

But back to the EOB. I called the insurance company to ask, for future reference, how I could be sure that I got an "in network" ambulance when I called 9-1-1 in the middle of the night. The customer service rep clearly had no genuine thoughts on that so I asked to speak to a supervisor. Even though I was told it would be no more than 48 hours for a supervisor to call me back about that, perhaps I misunderstood. Maybe she said 48 weeks, since it's already been a week and a half. And even though I'm retired now, I still have more to do than sit on hold with insurance company representatives for the entire afternoon. And the thought of calling them back makes my jaw clench. 

So here we are over 30 years in to letting the insurance companies pay doctors direct instead of reimbursing us and they now drive the entire process. Insurance company executives make an obscene amount of money. Healthcare costs in the US have skyrocketed since we allowed the insurance companies to take over. And apparently calling 9-1-1 at 3 am is something that could cost you several hundred dollars. 

I've heard so many people who are fearful of the evils of socialized medicine (and there are evils to be fearful of) because they don't want the "government" meddling in their healthcare. Does it really matter to anyone whether the high-school educated clerk who is going to determine whether you get care or not works for the government or a private insurance company? I'm in favor of putting doctors and patients back in charge. 

Rant over.

Against Medical Advice

Before my mom died, she was released from the hospital into a "rehab" facility. It was a nursing home masquerading as a rehab facility. I didn't see any evidence of "rehab", at least not where my mother was concerned.  It had the best reputation of any nursing home in the area but it was still awful. One of us, me or one of my siblings, a sister-in law or my dad was with my mom all day. Not only to keep her company, but to advocate for her. I don't know how anyone without an advocate survives the place.

At first, I asked her doctor how long she would likely be there. His answer was that it was up to her insurance company. Wrong answer! I expressed our (the family's) concerns about her care - more specifically the lack of care ( I won't get into the specific issues) but he brought the head nurse in to speak with me.

I do my best to avoid confrontation. But her approach was to try to make me believe that I'd "misunderstood" everything that I'd been told since my mother's arrival. (I think we call that gaslighting these days.)  I countered that I had always done extremely well with English comprehension and although I may have been misinformed, I did not misunderstand. It was then that she played her big card.

"If you remove your mother from this facility AGAINST MEDICAL ADVICE, her insurance will not cover this visit or any subsequent problems she might have when she is at home." That was probably the first time since becoming an adult that I wanted to punch someone in the face.

But for the past year now I've been watching half the country going against medical advice. And I'm wondering who's going to pay for that. Where I live the number of cases and deaths is going down - finally - thanks to the availability of a vaccine. I'm old enough to stay home. I can continue to order online and have things delivered if I think we're moving too fast to open up. But if you're still working and not fortunate enough to work from home, if you don't want to go back to work, it will be assumed that you quit and you will be ineligible for unemployment benefits.

Is the economy in a shambles? I suppose it is. Small businesses didn't really getting any help while national restaurant chains got millions. The airlines got big bailouts - seriously, with their revenues and profits, you'd think they could survive a few months - after all individuals and small businesses are expected to. For years, financial advisors have been suggesting that individuals and families have money set aside to pay six months of expenses in case of job loss, sickness, or maybe a global pandemic. But how many people do you know who actually have that money set aside? I can tell you that when I was a single mom, I was living paycheck to paycheck and according to a survey by Forbes in January 2019, 78% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck.(To be fair, some other surveys set the number at 49 to 53%, but that's still a lot.) Not sure how a one or two time stimulus check is going to help, especially if they have to wait months for it. 

Which is worse, financial ruin or death? I suppose it depends on whose financial ruin we're talking about. States opened up before they met the recommended criteria because they didn't want their unemployment funds depleted, particularly in a time of reduced tax revenues. They don't really care about deaths because it's a number on a spreadsheet. As Dan Patrick in Texas pointed out, seniors should be willing to sacrifice themselves to benefit the economy their grandchildren will inherit. I think he should go first. 

So on a personal level, which is worse? Financial ruin or death? They're both game changers, that's for sure. I'm going to say I'd rather be ruined financially than be dead. But hey, that's just me. I got the vaccine at my earliest opportunity and I'm feeling far safer than I did this time last year. 

Death Panels or Angel of Death

Since Mark's experience with Devoted Health Care had been pretty good, all things considered, he planned to renew with them and I applied for coverage with them. I wasn't exactly married to the GP and as long as my cardiologist was in network, I was going to be happy. I hadn't actually been able to find an OB-Gyn, or a dermatologist and the podiatrist I had was in network. 

We are all set to go. We received our id cards which identified our GP as Dr. Arrocho. Who is he? Not our doctor. We called them up and they reissued the cards with the correct doctor's name. Then we got a letter from our doctor. He would be leaving the network effective February 1. But I still want to choose my own doctor. A careful reading of recommendations on NextDoor indicated that Dr. Fernandez was the way to go even though there were numerous rumors that she was leaving to go to Miami. 

We asked Devoted to assign us to Dr. Fernandez, which they did. Her office policy was that we had to see the nurse practitioner before we could see the doctor. We saw the nurse practitioner in February and then, the week before our March 1 appointment with Dr. Fernandez, we got a call from Soni Family Practice to inform us that Devoted had transferred us to them. Wow. No. These are the people who threatened to call the police when Mark asked if the driver's license requirement was office policy or state law. No way do I want anything to do with them. But the downside was that on March 1, Dr. Fernandez would no longer be in the network. (A fact that her office wasn't even aware of.) My appointment, that I'd been trying to get since January wasn't going to be covered unless I changed insurance companies that week.

And since Devoted seemed to be hemorrhaging doctors and we'd been assigned to four since January 1, (Shamim, Arrocho, Fernandez, and Soni) and hadn't actually been able to make an appointment with any of them that would take place while they were still in network, we decided to leave Devoted on the spot. 

The first thing that came to mind was Florida Blue. It was going to cost us more - $20 copay instead of $10. But if you can't actually see a doctor, it doesn't make much difference about the copay. Drugs were going to be about the same, but we had to change pharmacies. Most importantly, we would be able to keep our appointment with Dr. Fernandez on Monday, which was critical because we couldn't get a referral to the hematologist Mark needed without seeing a primary care doctor.

Dr. Fernandez was wonderful. I asked for a referral to my cardiologist, which was processed (not without  drama, but before my appointment), and a dermatologist. Mark asked for a referral to a hematologist and an endocrinologist. She also wanted both of us to see an ophthalmologist. And then the real trouble started. For some reason, these referrals were not going through. Everyday I called the doctors offices to be told that the referral had not gone through. We never had issues like this in Texas. What was going on in Florida?  I immediately suspected the doctor's office staff.  (After all, these were the people who told me they didn't take Medicare, told me I needed a referral when I didn't, and threatened to call the police when asked about driver's licenses.) 

My first thought (having spent so many years in Texas) was to go over to the doctor's office with a gun or a baseball bat and stay there until they processed the referral. It's rare that people inspire me to violence, but it can happen. 

Mark had a different idea. He suited up and took a folder with all of the paperwork in it and surprised the office staff. He followed up with them in person and on the phone until he had the hematology appointment, which was the most critical. The dermatology appointment came through, but nothing on the endocrinologist or ophthalmologist. 

The problem must now be with the insurance company. I phoned them and got answers that once again inspired me to violence. Time for Mark to take over. He had a conversation with them and that's when we discovered the death panels.

As it happens, your doctor can write all the referrals he or she wants, but the final decision on whether you actually get to see the specialist is made by an RN. We should be grateful that it isn't made by a bookkeeper.  (Okay, so panel is an overstatement. An exaggeration. It's not a panel. It's ONE individual. You can have a panel discussion. How do you do that with one person?  Perhaps it's the angel of death.) My feeling is that if you can't trust the doctors in your network to make referrals, then perhaps they shouldn't be in your network. 

The bottom line is that we couldn't get the referrals through with Florida Blue, so we once again changed. We're trying CarePlus. We've had a discussion with their customer service department so we understand how their death panel works. They've assured us it's a doctor. The term she used was "medical professional" which could be an X-Ray technician, but Mark pressed her until she said "doctor".  (But again, it's a doctor who hasn't seen you and knows nothing about you who is questioning the judgement of the doctor who has seen you and knows your medical history.) 

We've been assigned to a new doctor with the new plan. I'm not going to fight it. We're just going to go with it, unless we have our first visit and it's a complete disaster. But I'm still trying to figure out how anyone benefits from having a doctor that I'm going to meet today, refer me to a cardiologist that I've been seeing for two years and then have someone else, whether it's a doctor, nurse or bookkeeper put their stamp of approval on it. 

These Medicare Advantage plans offer great advantages to the insurance companies - not sure what the advantage is to the consumer. But if you have pre-existing conditions, you're stuck with an advantage plan because you can't buy a supplement. Also, it's a good thing I'm retired because dealing with medical offices and insurance companies has become my new full time job.  

But in truth, I worry about this because I can advocate for myself and I have the time. At least I can now. Ask me again in 10 years when my health may be worse than it is now and I have less patience. (Trust me, that is in short supply already.) But there are people who just don't understand how the system works, don't have anyone to advocate for them and don't do a good job of advocating for themselves. There are also people who are working and don't have time to navigate the convoluted system.  What happens to those people? 

It Beats the Alternative

Every time anyone says anything about getting older, someone invariably says "It beats the alternative." Does it? After a solid week of dealing with medical office and insurance company personnel, I've concluded that if this is what I can look forward to for the rest of my life, well "Jesus, take me now." 

I've struggled to navigate the healthcare system in Florida ever since we arrived here in the summer of 2019. Mark had an Aetna Medicare PPO plan when we left Texas and we were able to transfer it to Florida for the remaining five months of the year. But not without cost. They actually sent me an invoice for the $2.10 difference in the price for those remaining five months. (Anyone care to calculate what it cost them to send that invoice and then process my check?) 

At the time we moved, I had regular medicare with a supplemental policy. Time and time again I was told by the doctor's office staff that they didn't take regular medicare but they'd be happy to refer me to an insurance agent who could set me up with the Humana Advantage plan that they did take. I ended up calling Medicare to try to find a doctor and they confirmed what I already knew - if they take an advantage plan, they take regular medicare. But if the office staff won't make an appointment for you, it doesn't matter. 

And since Mark was on a  PPO, we didn't think it was critical that we were having such a hard time finding a GP (general practitioner). Until I called the specialist he wanted (needed) to see and was told that they didn't make appointments for anyone who didn't have a referral. Foiled again by the office staff!

We had to go to an urgent care facility to get our prescriptions renewed and then we went to a doctor who was able to write a referral, even though we technically didn't need one.  

So for 2020 we switched Mark to a different Advantage plan. The doctor he was going to see also took regular Medicare and he put through a referral to the hematologist. All is well, or so we thought. Then came COVID. We did not want to sit in crowded waiting rooms, so we took advantage of the telehealth visits. That worked fine for the GP but for the hematologist, not so much. You see, the hematologist needs to have blood test results. In order to have blood test results, you have to have a blood test. In Texas, the doctors did that in their offices. In Florida, they want you to go to a lab. The lab needs to have an order from the doctor in order to know what tests to perform. The doctor can give you a sheet of paper with the order or they can send it to the lab electronically. Since we weren't going in to the office, they told us they would send the order to the lab. 

Mark scheduled his appointment and went to the lab who claimed they didn't have an order. He called the doctor and the young lady there said she'd send the order over. Again Mark made an appointment. And again he went to the lab who once again claimed they didn't have an order. The result of the next call to the doctor was that she'd sent it and she was not sending it again. Alrighty then! We need a new doctor. But it didn't seem urgent since he was pretty much in remission. 

And that brings us to 2021 and Death Panels. We'll talk about that tomorrow.

I Can't

I can't bring myself to write anymore. Not right now. Even though it's the perfect time - at home with not much else to do. 

I've started. I have about 8 blog drafts and I can't bring myself to finish any of them. In fact, this one was started back in August and I only decided to finish it today when I started yet another one and couldn't complete it. When they get to be a year old I'll most likely delete them. 

I often wrote about the places we went and the things we did. Well, we haven't been anyplace since November and it doesn't look like we're going anywhere other than the grocery store anytime soon. I sometimes wrote about things that happened when I was a kid. I guess I'm losing my sense of humor because nothing even remotely amusing comes to mind anymore. Maybe I've already covered the amusing things and the stuff that remains is just scary.  (Or maybe it just seems scary now.)

Even though I've spent a lot of time in the kitchen over the last six months, I'm not ready to be a food blogger. I find them annoying. If I'm reading your food blog it's because I want to try your recipe. I don't care how much your husband and children love it and by the way, there are programs that can fix your spelling and grammar. (See how snarky I'm becoming?)

I've never really written much about politics and the truth is I don't want to write about political issues. There are so many people who do that much better than I can. And all it would do is deepen the divide between me and some people I think of as friends. (Then again, are they really friends if they can't accept that I don't share their views?)

But I'm going to keep trying. I might succeed. 

Paying a Premium

When we went on lockdown at the end of March we started having all of our groceries delivered. Publix had a deal where you could have unlimited delivery for just under $10 per month - as long as each order was at least $35. And as you well know, it doesn't take much to reach $35. 

But there were some things that Aldi just had better prices on - eggs, frozen salmon - all sorts of things. But they didn't have the unlimited deal with Instacart like Publix did. So every time we ordered from Aldi, we also paid a fee to Instacart for the delivery. And of course there were tips for the shoppers at Aldi and Publix. 

It all worked fairly well. Sometimes they'd be out of the item you selected and the shopper would choose something else. Sometimes Mark would tell them a substitution was okay but if I'd been asked, I would have said no. And then there's the issue of fresh produce. In the past, when I did my own shopping there were times when a particular vegetable was on my list but I didn't buy it because the selection was just too poor. But when you tell an Instacart shopper you want a tomato, they'll bring you a tomato - even if it looks anemic.  I've also been unhappy in the past with some of Mark's produce selections. So entrusting some kid off the street who doesn't even know what a daikon is to choose a daikon or (any other vegetable) is iffy at best. Let's just say  I was never particularly happy with the fresh produce. We started eating more frozen vegetables. 

But then the bills came. We were spending upwards of a thousand dollars a month on groceries. This was not sustainable. Part of it was because food prices were going up - particularly meat and produce. But part of it was because of the delivery.

We started cutting back on the number of deliveries. In the past, if we realized we were out of something, someone would make a dash to the store and we'd get it. When you have to spend at least $35 to have it delivered,  it's best to see if you can't live without that item until you need more stuff.  We also thought we could save money by ordering online and then doing curbside pickup. We wouldn't have to pay the Instacart fees or tip anyone for shopping. (And while some of the shoppers were wonderful, I always wanted to get the tip back from the people who brought me a broken egg or the wrong item, or an ugly vegetable.)  And we did save money that way, even when you consider the gas and other costs associated with driving a car.

But I still suspected that we were overpaying. We decided if we went to the new store  - it's bigger and there aren't as many people there (and the one's who are there are wearing masks) - and as long as we wore our masks and went early in the morning, it would probably be okay.  

Rather than writing out a shopping list, we printed out the order we'd planned to pick up curbside. If we'd picked it up curbside, we'd have paid roughly $190. But we went into the store, bought everything on the list, PLUS several things that weren't on the list (like fresh flowers for $12) and the total came to $165. We saved $25 and got more than we would have if we'd done the curbside pick up. AND everything was what I wanted - no mistakes on the order and the fresh produce was all good. 

But I was shocked at the difference in the price. I knew we were paying a premium for delivery but I didn't realize we were paying that high a premium for curbside pickup. Now I know. Unless the caseload of Covid skyrockets up again, we'll be shopping early and in person. 

My First Mail In Vote

Yesterday I voted by mail for the first time. I liked it. I liked it a lot. It was a small local election, mostly non-partisan and the actual polls will be open next week. 

So here's how it worked:

I had already applied to receive my ballot by mail. I filled out an application that included my voter registration number, and my signature and other information. The ballot came in a well marked envelope and included a "security sleeve" and a return envelope. I had to sign and date it when I sent it back. I know they check the signature because one of my friends had hers rejected because her signature didn't match. They did let her know and sent her a new ballot.

This particular election is a small, local election. One race for county commissioner, one for the board of elections, and two for school board. (There may have been one more, but I can't remember for sure). If I'd been voting in person, it's likely I wouldn't have bothered to turn up. I know, I know. It's my civic duty to vote in all elections. But let's face facts, the person who runs the school board probably isn't going to impact my life in any significant way and if I had something else to do on election day, I might not turn out for a county commissioner and the school board. Same thing if I turned up at the polls and there was a long line, or it rained. And now there's coronavirus, which is worse in Florida than in most places. 

But let's say that I did turn up to the polls. I'm presented with a slate of candidates I know nothing about. The board of elections position and the school board positions are all non-partisan. I have very little to guide me in my selection. Am I supposed to decide based on whose name I like best? In the case of the county commissioner race, both candidates were Republicans. How do I decide? 

When I lived in Texas  I went to the polls.  The lines could be brutal and I was very happy when they introduced early voting. I worked from home and could go at my convenience when there wouldn't be long lines. But for the actual voting, once I got past the federal and state races to the names that didn't ring any bells, I either voted based on party affiliation or I didn't vote for anyone at all. I do believe you should be informed if you're going to vote and if I felt I didn't know anything about the candidates, I just didn't check any box. 

But with the mail in ballot, I was able to go online and type the candidates names into Google. I found out that the two Republican candidates for county commissioner have been feuding with each other for at least a decade. Looked like a lot of bickering and childishness to me - fairly well documented in the local press. In the end, I couldn't find enough redeeming qualities in either one of them and opted to let other people choose. I'd be happier with none of the above. 

As for the non-partisan races, I was able to determine who the incumbent was, and how long they'd been in that position. I could see which school board candidates had children in school, and whether their children were in public school or private school. I could see who was on the boards of private schools and who favored charter schools over public schools and I could vote accordingly. Again, if I'd just turned up at the polls, I probably wouldn't have voted on those races. 

This is just so much better.  I'm making more informed choices AND I'm safe. 

Good Bye Aunt Jemima

Ever since Quaker Oats announced their intention to re-brand Aunt Jemima pancake mix and syrups, I have seen multiple posts on social media mourning the passing of an era. Some of the comments are just stunning.

"You are erasing her legacy." If any of these people bothered to look up the history of the Aunt Jemima brand (and you know I did) they would realize that Aunt Jemima was a fictional character, named after a minstrel tune. When the company started in 1889, the packaging initially featured a caricature, something we would consider extremely racist if it were to turn up on a box today.

They didn't use a lifelike image of Aunt Jemima until 1893 when they decided to have her appear at an exposition in Chicago.They hired Nancy Green, a former slave who was a cook for a judge. Some posts claimed that she became a millionaire, others claimed that she was extremely well paid. Let's think about that for just a minute. Nancy Green died in 1923. So she had the role of Aunt Jemima from 1893 until 1923. Women in the United States didn't even have the right to vote until 1920. You think she was well paid? To this day there is wage disparity between women and men. There is still disparity between white and black. Do you really think they would have paid a black woman generously? If she was being paid generously there would have been no need for her to continue working as a housekeeper.

There were also other woman who portrayed Aunt Jemima. Several families have sued on their behalf. Some claim that their ancestor invented the pancake mix. (If that's true, the evidence is very well hidden.) Others claim that their ancestor "tweaked" the recipe. I can't determine whether the second Aunt Jemima's last name was Harrington or Robinson. Different articles site different last names although the first name of Anna is consistent. Then there were "ambassadors:  Lillian Richard was the ambassador for Texas. Her family is upset that the brand is being retired. Not quite sure why, she has a historical marker sign in her home town. Nobody is taking that down.

"I never looked at her as a slave, I just thought she was a strong woman." Really? Why would you think of a woman on a pancake mix box as a "strong" woman? How do you feel about Betty Crocker? Is she strong, too? Fortunately for Betty, she was always a composite and never the image of a real life woman, although people did portray her on the radio and television although they usually didn't look like the image shown on her cookbooks.

"I never looked at her as a slave, I just thought she was a really good cook." Well, at least that's what they wanted you to think, so the marketing wasn't a total failure. But the fact is that her image was that of the "mammy" stereotype. "Mammy" was happy and eager to please her white family. She put her white family's needs ahead of her own needs or the needs of her own children. This isn't something that just happened before the Civil War put an end to slavery. Try reading "The Help" or seeing the movie. These attitudes are not dying an easy death.

And with other people sharing their thoughts on Aunt Jemima, I had to examine my own thoughts.  Aunt Jemima pancakes have been around since before I was born. I remember seeing the box as a child because it was the brand my mother bought. (I'm not even sure there was a competing brand.) I don't think I really had any thoughts about it all when I was a child. It was a face on a box. I didn't know anybody who looked like that and I had no associations in my mind. However, by the time I was a teen, I'd seen enough TV and movies to identify Aunt Jemima with the Mammy stereotype. But it still didn't affect me. Until I went to university, I'd always gone to all white schools. I didn't know any black people. My family had never owned slaves.

The problems with race in the late 60s had nothing to do with me. I know that they updated Aunt Jemima's image in the 60s. But I didn't realize until all the fuss started that all they did then was lighten her skin a bit and make her a bit thinner. She didn't lose the bandanna and get pearl earrings until 1989, an attempt to get away from the Mammy image. But it was too little too late. Maybe if they'd made that change in the 60s instead of waiting until 1989, it might have transitioned better and they wouldn't be forced to change the name and face of the dominant brand in 2020.

But all of the fuss makes me wonder how the public will react when Progressive Insurance decides to replace Flo.