How Old Does It Need to Be?

Sometimes I think that spam calls and robocalls are the bane of my existence, and then I'm forced to call for "customer service". When I reach someone in the Philippines, I am reminded that the spam and robocalls are actually pretty easy - I can just hang up, if I bothered to answer it in the first place.

But let's face it - who calls customer service just to see how they're doing? You need something. And so you do your best to communicate with them.

Last week I had to call a bank - BBVA Compass (why not name names?) because they said I didn't make a loan payment. I looked in my account to make sure I had indeed paid and it appeared that I did. I realized from previous experience that just because the money came out of my account, it didn't necessarily mean that it had arrived where it was sent. So I called the bank the payment was drawn on and they confirmed that BBVA had cashed the check. Just the type of thing that customer service should be able to help with.

But when I called the number that was on the late payment notice they sent me, I was directed to the wrong department. Banks are fairly notorious for this.

Flashback to before phone systems were automated and a human answered the call. I worked for a company that provided courier services to financial institutions. Sometimes when the bank got behind on the bill, I would need to call to see what the problem was.

"Hello, may I speak to someone in accounts payable please?"

"Is it about your car payment?"

"No. I need accounts payable."

"Is it about your mortgage?"

"No. I need accounts payable, please."

"Is it about your checking or savings account?"

"No. I need to talk to the person who pays the bills."

"But we're a bank."

Anyway, back to the present. After establishing that I was not calling about a mortgage or a checking account, I was finally connected to someone who could supposedly help me.

But first she had to locate my account. What was my account number? The notice I had showed only the last four digits. My statement showed only the last four digits. I understand about security and privacy, but if you want me to know my account number, you need to put it on something. Bottom line - I don't know it and she can't look it up based on the last four digits.

Let's try by social security number. Okay - she can't find it that way, either. It appears that I don't have an account. Unfortunately, I know that I do, and I know that even after they sort out what happened to that payment, there will be other payments due in the future.

She said she could look it up by my phone number. Hey, it's worth a try. I gave her my cell phone number. The cell phone number that I've had since 1982 - back in the days when the phone was permanently mounted in your car.

She couldn't find it that way, either. Her next question to me was "Do you have an older phone number?"

"No, I'm sorry. That number is 38 years old. I don't have an older number."

And that was seriously the end of the conversation. I wanted to tear my hair out.

What I Learned

Any day you learn something is a good day. Let me tell you, I've had a banner week. I've learned (discovered may be a better word) several things.

1. I discovered that three layers of mascara might look good, but is probably ill-advised. If you do put that much on, make sure you get every bit of it off before you go to bed. 
2. Talking about something as benign as the pros and cons of bifocals is enough to raise my blood pressure. A political discussion would probably kill me. 
3. Women are held to a higher standard than men.
4. Some people are not able to connect the dots, even when the dots are numbered.